Page 25 of The Scars We Heal

“I mean, we can call it your fuck it list if that sounds better to you,” I suggested before backpedaling when she cringed. “It’s not literal. It’s like, ‘fuck it, I’m going to do what I want.’ You don’t even have to tell me or show me when you cross items off the list. This is all for you, and a reminder of the things you can do.”

Because I think you’re really fucking incredible, and I want you to see that, too.

“All right, continue.” She waved me on.

“Scootch.” I bumped her hip with mine so I could sidle up next to her by the kitchen island. “First on the list: Decorate the house exactly how you want. I know this isn’t permanent, but you shouldn’t have to feel like a guest in your own house. As long as you’re here, the place is yours, and you have permission to do whatever you want. I’ll give you my credit card so you can get some supplies. And before you tell me I don’t have to pay for it, I want to. You’ll be doing me a favor by decorating it more.” I had a feeling that when she was married to Adam, everything was on his terms. I was sure that extended to the house they lived in, too.

She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. “So, I could paint the living room black if I wanted to?”

I laughed. “I mean, sure, if you want to deal with the heat that’ll come with it. Make it yours, Cait. You deserve to have a house that feels like home.”

Neither of us said a word, a silent pause hanging between us.

I cleared my throat, adding another bullet point. “Next, let’s put, do something that scares you.”

With every bullet point, Caitlin nodded, offering a hum of approval or a nose scrunch for something she was unsure about.

Before long, we had a bucket list.

Caitlin’s Fuck It List

1. Decorate the house exactly how you want to.

2. Do something that scares you.

3. Have a “yes” day entirely for yourself. Don’t think about anyone else’s needs for the day.

4. Take a solo trip.

5. Get a tattoo.

6. Make a change in appearance you’ve always wanted.

7. Do something spontaneous.

8. Say “no” to something you don’t want to do.

9. Do something reckless.

10.Try new hobbies until you find one you like.

I tapped my lips, eyes perusing over the list.

“It’s missing something,” I muttered before scribbling one last item.

“Buy a vibrator?” Caitlin screeched when she looked over my shoulder. “W-why do you want me to do that?”

I shrugged, my lips curving up in mischief. “You said yours was broken. Besides, I never said you had to use it with me.”

If Caitlin wasn’t blushing before, she was now. Her entire face was red as a tomato, and she was sputtering out nonsense like her brain had short-circuited and she was able to find words to say.

“I—” Her sentence was cut off by my phone ringing. “You should answer that.” She pointed to the phone.

The caller ID wasn’t a number I was familiar with. “It’s all right. I wasn’t expecting a call.”

“It might be important.”

I lifted one shoulder then let it drop. “If it is, they can leave a voicemail.”