Page 76 of Ruthless Blade

I blinked out of the memory and noticed she was looking at me. “Did you say something?”

“I asked if you’re okay.”

"I’m fine. You don't have to keep doing this," I said, gesturing at the spread. "I can make my own breakfast."

"I know you can." She sat across from me with her coffee, not touching her own plate yet. "I like doing it."

“I guess your brother never got the chance to tell you, but I know what he did.”

My body froze, hand mid air with a piece of toast I was going to place on my plate. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

She rolled her eyes, “I’m not stupid. He was trying to prank me, and he put his initials under the table. I don’t know why he thought that was a good prank, but in the end I’m thankful for it because of the memory.”

Freaking Jake.

I bit my lip and put the bread on the plate. “He swore me to secrecy, but I had no part in it.”

“I know you didn’t. Both of those boys were always trying to get you involved even if it was bad. You don’t have to worry though, I did get him back.” She winked, and a laugh escaped my lips.

God, I missed this.

We became quiet when we started stuffing our faces, but then a thought occurred to me.

“Now that you and Mr. Daniel aren’t together anymore, are you going to keep the house?”

Her forehead wrinkled, "I've thought about it a lot, actually."

"And?" My fork was raised mid-air, and I held my breath.

"I think I’m still going to sell.”

I slammed my fork down, a little harder than I meant to, appetite gone. “What? Why?”

"It's too big for one person," she continued, "I rattle around in it. There’s rooms I don't go into anymore because there's no reason to. Your old room, Jake's old room...but to be completely honest with you, it’s too fucking hard. I lost my husband, the love of my life, and my son. I know you know what it’s like to grieve because you’re doing it too, but the pain is different when it’s your husband and son. Neither of whom you’re supposed to bury first.”

I got quiet, thinking about it. It’s too fucking hard, she’d said. Maybe I was being too hard on her. Hold on, she was being hard on you too. You’ve been grieving and hurting as much as she has, don’t go forgiving her for everything.

"What if you got a roommate?”

She shook her head, “I don’t really trust that, and having a roommate when I’m this old, no thank you. That’s something you do in college or early twenties, not in your fifties."

As her eyes roamed around the room, they filled with tears and I instantly felt bad for bringing it up.

My chest tightened, “Mom...”

She sighed, “I’m not selling the house because I want to erase you, your brother, or your father. I’m doing it so I can start healing. So I can breathe and feel like I’m whole again. Dating Kayden’s father was a mistake. I know that now. We were two friends who should’ve never gotten involved, but it was better than being alone. Now I’m learning that being alone is okay. Being able to know who I am without them is important, and I need the time, energy and a fresh start to do that.”

“Where are you going to move?”

She shrugged, “I don’t know yet, but I plan to stay in the area.”

A smile tilted her lips, “I’m not selling it tomorrow or anytime soon. I wanted you to know that I do plan to do it, and I hope you’ll be okay with my decision.”

For a minute, it was almost like things used to be. Granted, Mom never showed me as much attention as she showed Jake and Kayden, but the love was there. It seemed that for so long we’d lost who we were, angry at each other for the way things played out when we were supposed to come together and support one another through it.

Even though things weren’t perfect, I was hoping that in time I could forgive her, and she could forgive me.

“Are you sure you’re ready to be back here? You can move in with me over the summer.” Mom asked as she helped me unload my bag and take it back in the dorm.