Page 56 of Pretend it’s Forever

He murmured against my neck, and then he was filling me. Slowly. Inch by inch. There were no more words, no other thoughts. Just Carson. There didn’t need to be anything else.

It took a breath for my body to acquiesce, my inner walls tight for a moment until I began to relax around him. He shifted slowly, small bursts until he was seated deep within me, his balls pressed against me, and I couldn’t think of what else to say. What else to think. There was nothing. Just Carson, just these moments.

“That’s it, that’s my girl.”

Mine. I let the smile spread over my face, knowing I was making a mistake.

Because in this moment I was his. Just like he was mine.

He kissed my neck, my ear, but didn’t tilt my head back to take my lips. That was fine, because he took me. He moved slowly, gently, both of us rocking into one another as my orgasm began to crest.

My pussy fluttered, stars dancing behind my eyes, I leaned back, my head on his shoulder, as I came.

He murmured against me, his hips thrusting harder, faster, and the sounds filled his room, as he filled me.

And when he came, his hand a bruising force on my hip, I smiled against him, and I was lost.

This was all too much, and I knew it. I shouldn’t be doing this, I shouldn’t have fallen. But I had.

It didn’t matter that I had lied to myself for so long. I had gone and fallen in love, and yet, as he held me, I could believe that maybe he felt the same. And perhaps he did.

What more could I ask for than this man who held me?

We laid there for a moment, our breaths coming in pants as he held me close, but didn’t say a word. He didn’t kiss me either, but it didn’t matter. I could still feel him hard within me, both of us shaking as we came down from our orgasms.

It had been reckless to stay the night, and I knew it, but after the wedding, we had been so tired, and I had already planned to be with him.

Aston had given me a curious look when I had asked him and Blakely to watch the girls overnight. They had wanted a sleepover with their baby cousin anyway, and I had acquiesced. My big brother—a man who I had not grown up with and hadn’t known until I was nearly married and a mother myself—hadn’t scolded me or teased me. He hadn’t given me a worried look. Instead, he had promised to watch over my girls with everything he had. And considering I wasn’t sure what would happen with Cale next, as we still hadn’t formed a plan for his supposed weekend visitation, that meant everything.

Blakely had given me a knowing glance, and I had promised to tell her everything.

Though I had known it for a lie right away. After all, how could I tell her what I didn’t know?

I wasn’t supposed to fall for this man, and yet I was. It would be so easy to continue to fall and to never let myself feel the pain, but he had not promised forever. In fact, he had done the exact opposite, and once again I had been broken.

But in this moment I could pretend. I could pretend there was such a thing as forever.

I had danced with Cora at the wedding, and then Juliet. And then I had found myself in Carson’s arms, never letting go.

Others had recognized me, surprising me, but as some of the brides’ friends had loved to dance, they knew who I was, and I had even given a few digital business cards for upcoming classes for their children. All in all, it had been a successful wedding, and although there was always that ever present backdrop of darkness that came from parents who never understood, Carson had filled that moment and role with such sincerity, that it hadn’t signified.

Cora was loved and she knew that with every ounce of her soul.

Her parents would never be part of this, not in the end.

And I had been blessed to witness it.

After the wedding, I had gone home with Carson, to his large house only a neighborhood away from Aston’s, and we had gone to sleep after hours of clinging to one another. I had never had so many orgasms in my life, and I knew my inner thighs would be sore for days to come, but it didn’t matter. I was happy. It should scare me, and perhaps it did, but did it matter? He made me happy, and that perhaps was all that was worth counting.

And I wanted to tell him. To explain to him that I could see more.

But then again, maybe that was just my body reacting and not my soul.

Because I had trusted before and I had failed. Failed to the point that scars covered my heart, my body, and could have touched my children.

Suddenly chilled, I sank into Carson, still feeling his length deep within me, and he wrapped his arms around me, holding me close. We were no longer covered with a blanket, both of us naked and stated, but we didn’t say anything. Instead, he buried his face in my neck and let out a deep breath.

Perhaps it would be okay for me to tell him. He was a rational, good man even though he didn’t think so.