Page 57 of Pretend it’s Forever

Maybe he would understand.

He kissed the back of my neck, and gently, oh so gently, slid from between my thighs. I immediately felt the loss, the ache, and I let out a deep sigh.

He didn’t say anything as he shifted off the bed, and then did away with the condom. Water ran as he washed his hands, and I moved to lay on my back, my hands on my breasts, and smiled up at the ceiling.

I had never meant for this to happen, but here I was, in Carson’s bed and happy.

Carson moved from the restroom then, wearing dark sweatpants and a flat expression on his face.

Chilled, I slid the sheet above me, covering my body. I didn’t like to be naked when he wasn’t, that’s just who I was. Usually he came back to hold me afterwards, but we did have to go to work later. He had meetings all afternoon, I knew, and honestly I didn’t even know what time it was.

I had been so lost in him, I hadn’t even called Aston. I had earlier, right before seven in the morning when Carson and I had woken up in each other’s arms, but hours had passed, and I needed to again.

I was just about to shift to reach for my phone, when Carson moved to the side, and reached over the bed to brush my hair from my face.

“This was nice,” he said, his voice devoid of emotion. My hand hovered over my phone as ice slid up my spine at his tone.

I looked up at him and frowned. “Yes,” I said, and I cleared my throat. “It was.”

“I need to head to the office. You can stay if you want, but I’ll make sure you have a car to pick you up. I’ll be out of the state for a while, I have a few meetings and mergers to worry about. But maybe I’ll call you when I get back?”

This didn’t sound like the Carson I knew. No, I didn’t recognize this man. That was a lie. He sounded like the man that I had first met. The one who had promised me nothing and told no lies.

And just like that, the glass shattered around me.

And I realized what this was.

A brush off. A casual goodbye that was anything but casual.

I sat up then, not letting the sheet fall. I needed that armor.

“Oh. Sure. I need to see the girls.”

“I’m sure you do. Thank you for coming to the wedding. You helped alleviate that burden for Cora, and I’ll be forever grateful for that. You let me know if you need anything, and tell the girls hello.” He took a step back, as if to say nothing at all, and I stared at him, wondering exactly who this man was.

There had been no promises, and yet this seemed something different. Something I had missed.

I had been the one to change the rules, even if he hadn’t known. And I couldn’t breathe.

I had let a man hurt me before, because I hadn’t seen the truth, and I wouldn’t do it again. It might be a completely different moment in this breath, yet the agony twisted. I shifted off the bed and walked towards my clothes, letting the sheet fall. I didn’t need the shield, he had seen everything. Touched everything down to my soul.

And I hadn’t been enough.

I didn’t turn around as I dressed and gathered my things. I still wore the dress itself, not even a spare change of clothes or a toothbrush. Because that’s not who we were.

“Let me call you a car,” Carson said, and I finally turned to him, realizing he hadn’t moved at all. He had stood there, watching me dress as I tried not to shake, and I knew this was goodbye.

It should have been goodbye with that first kiss, but it hadn’t been. I had played with temptation and been burned.

I should have known.

“No need. I can do that. I want to go home and shower before I pick up the girls anyway. Give Cora my best. Juliet as well.”

Carson nodded and didn’t say a word. He didn’t move forward to kiss me goodbye, to tell me he would see me again.

He did nothing but stare at me blankly, as if he had no idea what to say.

Well, good. Because I didn’t either.