Page 45 of Sunset on the Solstice

“I wanted to thank you for everything you did for me,” Shelby said quietly. “I know it wasn’t easy to see me like that. I know it wasn’t easy to send that email.”

Vivian was quiet for a moment. “It was selfish,” she said. “When I looked at you, I saw myself. I wished someone would have done the same for me, before…” She trailed off, clearly so deep in the past that she didn’t know what else to say.

“I wish I could have been more myself when I met you,” Shelby said. “I hope you know you’re welcome in Nantucket any time. My mother would love to host you and show you everything our island is about. And you’d love my grandmother.”

Vivian laughed. “I might have to take you Suttons up on that.”

Shelby smiled and closed her eyes, trying to will herself to say one final thing.

“Listen, my lawyer mentioned that Jared might have already moved on,” Shelby said.

Vivian took a sharp breath. “I’ve seen her,” she admitted. “She’s young, Shelby. Really young. Maybe twenty? Twenty-one?”

“I was twenty-one when I met Jared,” Shelby said.

Vivian groaned. “History always repeats itself with these guys. But there are rumors in town. Apparently, she isn’t very happy with him. She has dreams and visions of her own. She told a server at the pizza place that she’s trying to move to Los Angeles. I keep asking myself, how can I get that woman to LA?” Vivian laughed.

“I wish I could call her,” Shelby said, “but legally, my hands are tied.”

“Let me see what I can do,” Vivian said.

“You’re like a guardian angel in those woods,” Shelby said.

“That’s all I’ve ever wanted for myself,” Vivian said. “It’s fulfilling.”

When Shelby went into labor a few days before Christmas, Lily was the one to drive her. They left their kids with Grandma Esme and Rebecca and sped to the hospital, where Bethany was just coming out of surgery. She scrubbed up and came to the labor and delivery ward to say hello. By then, Shelby was dilated and ready to push.

“Things go fast by your fourth baby, I guess,” Lily said, smiling and brushing sweaty hair out of Shelby’s face.

As Shelby held her sister’s hand, she remembered all the other times she’d given birth in her life. She remembered how lonely she’d felt, waiting for Jared to arrive. She remembered how lonely she’d felt, holding each of her babies and wondering what kind of world she’d brought them into. Now, with Lily here, and with her mother watching her three other children, Shelby felt at peace with the world. She couldn’t wait to show her baby girl everything there was to know.

It didn’t take long for Shelby to name her baby. “Vivian,” she said, holding her tenderly, her heart gushing with love.

“It’s a perfect name,” Lily said. “And you know, Vivian in Montana won’t believe it.” Lily took a photograph and sent it to Vivian with the news.

It took ages for Vivian to write back, but only, as she explained, because she hadn’t been able to stop crying.

VIVIAN: You Sutton girls are TOO MUCH! Welcome to the world, baby Vivian. I can’t wait to meet you.

“Now, she really has to come to Nantucket,” Lily said.

“I hate to think of her alone in those mountains,” Shelby said. “Nobody should have to be alone, not in those mountains, not anywhere.”

Shelby and baby Vivian had no complications after the birth, so they went home the next day. There, they were welcomed only by Rebecca, Ben, and Vivian’s siblings, who were so eager to meet their baby sister. Billy was especially stoic, ready to take on his new charge. Shelby helped him adjust his hands so that Vivian’s head was supported.

“I’ll take care of you,” Billy whispered to Vivian.

Later, after the kids were in bed, Shelby brought the baby carrier to the kitchen with her to sit with her mother. Rebecca looked tired, her eyes red from crying happy tears.

“You must be exhausted,” she told Shelby.

But Shelby shook her head. “All the adrenaline is still pumping through me,” she said.

“Giving birth is a crazy thing,” Rebecca said. “Understatement of the century. But it’s such a wild ride, isn’t it? I still remember when I gave birth to the three of you. My three biggest blessings. Your father would be so proud.”

For a little while, they sat up together, occasionally talking but mostly remaining quiet and contemplative. Of course, the baby Vivian slept on and on. Very soon, Vivian would wake up for another feeding. A part of Shelby couldn’t wait, as it was so tender to see her wake up and look into her little eyes. Another part of her wanted to let her sleep.

“I’m sorry we’ve lived with you so long, now,” Shelby said to her mother, addressing a fear she’d had since they’d come back from Montana.