Page 28 of Tall, Dark and Haunted

“I am a witch and I definitely want to help you.”

“You’re a witch?” I ask eagerly, leaning forward again.

“Yup. I’m pretty well known in Silver Springs for accidentally turning everyone into pigs.”

“She’s always doing that.” Amon speaks for the first time, his tone almost lazy. As if he meets reincarnated ghosts every other day.

I perk up, but then my excitement dies down. Aside from the fact that she just said ‘accidentally,’ she’s far too young. And even if she wasn’t, she should not be messing with dangerous magic if she accidentally turns people into pigs. What if she accidentally wipes us out of existence entirely—or we’re forced to spend eternity as ghost pigs?

“I’m probably not the best choice,” she echoes my thoughts. “I’m plenty good at transfiguration spells—well, sort of—but I don’t think I’m quite that good yet. I do have a couple of teachers, and I’m sure one of them will be able to help you.”

“Teachers?”

“Lupine insisted that I have lessons after I—That’s not really the point. I’ve messaged Juniper. She’s probably your best bet. She’s a super powerful witch, and she’s actually kind of nice. Well, nicer than Evanora…”

Amon visibly shivers. “Evanora scares me.”

“Evanora scares everyone,” Castalia replies. “There are all sorts of rumors about her. Although, if you ask me, they’re all mostly lies.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” Amon mutters.

“Anyway, more importantly, we really need to fix—” Castalia stops, scrunching up her nose as she waves her hand at us. “I don’t know how to describe all that, but you need makeovers.”

Normally, I’d be offended. But she’s not wrong. We look a right fright. Although, I can’t help but think that she has her priorities a little askew. If there’s a chance of us staying alive, that is clearly more important than getting makeovers.

I open my mouth to say as much when a dark-haired woman appears in a puff of green and purple. She’s holding a dildo in one hand and a flogger in the other. It’s as if she’s the embodiment of just how surreal my day has been. Nothing could surprise me now. Knock on wood.

“What have I told you about summoning me like I’m your bitch, Castalia?” Juniper asks. “I was in the middle of crafting new toys for my shop.”

“At least you actually came here this time,” Amon says. “Didn’t Castalia send you to South Africa before?”

“I got stuck watching a twelve minute film on pineapple agriculture after touring the giant pineapple. That’s twelve minutes I’m never going to get back.”

“It’s the biggest pineapple in the world,” Castalia tells us. “I had to do a report about it for school.”

“There’s more than one giant pineapple?” Juniper asks.

“Yup. There’s a slightly smaller one in Australia,” Amon answers.

“I made friends with some of the ghosts from that hideous, old castle,” Castalia begins to explain.

“Hey! Don’t diss my castle!” Topher growls. “I’ll have you know my ancestors—”

“Now is really not the time, Topher,” I whisper, kissing his cheek.

“Anyway, they need your help,” Castalia adds.

“I thought the coven was working on it,” Juniper says, barely containing a sneer.

“They want to kill them.”

“That doesn’t sound like the coven. They’re a bunch of flaming syphilis dicks, but they aren’t killers… usually,” Juniper says.

“Please help,” Castalia practically begs, launching into a lengthy explanation that shows that she really was spying on us… probably from the moment we first entered the library.

“I can’t do much with my hands full of cocks… Well, I can do a lot with cock hands actually, but not what you’re looking for. Meet me on the castle steps half an hour before sunrise. I’ll see what I can do.”

“YAY! Thank you, Juniper! You’re the best!” Castalia jumps to her feet and pulls Juniper into a hug.

“No hugs! Castalia, get off me.” Juniper seems to give up, patting the girl on the back with the flogger. “You have no personal boundaries.”

Castalia waves her hand and makes the witch vanish in another puff of purple and green.