Page 34 of An Espresso Machine’s Guide to Love & Mischief

“I’m going to save you, sweetheart!” I shout at the espresso machine.

“Shit. Where’d you come from?” she shouts back.

“I’ll tell you after I save you!” I shout back.

Now, how do I save her?

I glance behind the van, but there’s no sign of Nephrite. The pony shifter must have gotten left behind. But I spot a raccoon racing across a car roof further down the street. It runs from the roof to the front hood, then jumps on the car in front of it, slowly gaining on us.

I’d be more shocked at the sight if I wasn’t hanging off a car roof myself.

“Close the sunroof,” the clown yells in a gravelly voice that sounds like it would scare children.

Crap! If I don’t do something fast, they’ll crush my fingers or I’ll fall off the van into traffic.

“I don’t know how this fucking car works,” the bodybuilder says as he pushes buttons at random. The windshield wiper squeaks, then slams into my leg.

“Ow!” I cry.

“Turn that off and close the roof!” the clown snaps.

“Fuck, fuck!” The bodybuilder hits another button, and pop music blares.

“What the fuck, man? That’s clearly the radio.”

“Vans still have radios?” He flips the music off.

“I like Q107,” I offer. If they’re going to play music again, it might as well be something good, especially since the next song I hear might be my last.

The van comes to a sudden stop, and I nearly fly off the hood. Anal glands! I should jump off while I can. It’s the smart thing to do. Next time, I might fall into traffic and become shifter roadkill. Then, instead of paying condolences to poor Mrs. Ellis’s wife, people will be bringing meatloaf to my dad and Wife #12. But if I leave, I won’t be able to rescue the espresso machine sitting helplessly at the back of the van.

Instinct tells me we belong together. She’s mine, and I’m hers, and I can’t leave her behind. I know she’s made of metal. I made fun of Fletcher because a coffeemaker gave him a boner—and I feel a wave of jealousy and rage, because Diva is mine, and even my best bud in the whole wide world can’t have her. I’d give him anything—except her. She’s mine.

And if I don’t want to lose her, I have to act fast and risk it all. Because what I’m about to do might just get me killed.

Chapter 16

Rollo

“Are you sure this is a wise plan, sire?” Aero whispers as we scurry along the dimly lit tracks toward Union Station.

The subway is eerily quiet. There are no echoes of human conversations, no distant music from buskers, and none of the hum of electricity from the subway tracks like there usually is during the day.

“Please refrain from calling me sire,” I scowl at my second. “Don’t tell me you’re experiencing second thoughts. Everyone at the meeting concurred that this was the best course of action.”

“I would never act against the will of the Mischief, my liege. I am merely reminding you that I wouldn’t trust the Union-Andrew rats as far as I can throw them.”

“Are we throwing Union-Andrew rats?” Glosette, one of my soldiers, perks up.

“We are not throwing anyone. We are negotiating an alliance.”

Glosette flattens her ears, the rat equivalent of pouting. “But I distinctly heard Sir Aero say that we would throw them.”

“It was a turn of phrase,” Aero says. “Though I wouldn’t be opposed to a good throwing, if the king were so inclined.”

“Toss the Andrews, toss the Andrews,” Glosette chants.

“There will be no Andrew-tossing,” I snap. “We need this alliance. The city’s anti-rat initiative is killing us off. The Union-Andrews are our only hope—and we are theirs. We need to join forces.”