Page 44 of An Espresso Machine’s Guide to Love & Mischief

“That’s cruel!” I gasp. “I wanted to do that once when I was traveling through the Andes, but they can’t carry the weight of a human. My ex, who was a snake milker, tried anyway and the alpaca bit him. So of course I broke up with him.”

Trevor Brock scratches his matted hair. “Okay fine, then think of something else. Something they’ll never be able to think of, or find for you. Like, traveling to Nepal.”

“Oh, I did that—”

“Is there anything you haven’t done?”

“I never got carted down the street by a homeless woman before,” I tell him. “Oh, wait… yes, I did. That time I got wasted with some people under a bridge in Chicago.”

“Okay, well, think of something, Tim Horton’s. Because if you don’t, you’ll never get a body.”

“Get a body? You mean steal one like some parasite?”

“Not steal. Borrow.” Trevor stops the cart and throws his gloved hands in the air. ““Fuck, you are annoying, Nescafe.”

“Fuck, you are rude, Brain Thief.”

“Look, enough. We need to get on a ferry to get to the others. Once you meet Alicia and Wyatt, you’ll see. They’re trapped in a broom and a towel.”

“Wow, that’s even worse than an espresso machine. At least I can steam matted clowns like you. Speaking of, mind pouring some water into my reservoir… I could really use a drink after listening to you talk.”

“Same here, Nespresso. So be quiet or I’ll unplug you.”

He sounds like he’ll do it, and a cold dread fills me like a pipe broke and flooded my circuits with ice water.

If he unplugs me, I’ll be plunged back into the empty darkness, just like on the flight to Toronto—and when I died in that yacht accident last year. It’s a fate I’d do anything to avoid. Plus, if I’m unplugged, I won’t be able to do anything to stop him—even if all I can do is talk or yell. At least I’m annoying the body out of him.

But my only other option is to play along with this kidnapping, body-stealing piece of shit. Maybe I can stay quiet and bide my time until I find an opening to call for help—or the raccoon finally helps me escape. I spot him peeking out from behind a fire hydrant. He’s still here!

“Fine.” I force myself to sound happy about it as I add, “Truce?”

Trevor blinks as though he didn’t actually expect me to accept the offer. To be fair, I didn’t expect to accept it either.

“Truce,” he agrees. “Now, let’s find a boat that will take us to Mugg’s Island.”

Chapter 21

Asgard

The water taxi pulls away from the dock with my espresso machine. I can see her form outlined beneath the tarp, and I feel her getting further and further away from me in my gut.

I’ve no doubt that she’s my fated mate. My parents are fated mates—they got married two weeks after meeting—and my cousin Devon found his fated mate before he landed in jail. He’ll be out in five years, and she’s willing to wait.

Yeah, an espresso machine and a shifter aren’t the same, but she’s still my girl. I gotta rescue her—even though she distracted me from my mission to kill Milan. But the last guy who tried to help her got his skunk ass tossed out of a van. I’ve been beaten and bloodied by the side of the road before, and I’d rather not do it again. I need to know what sort of shit I’m getting into.

I study the man driving the small boat. He seemed jittery when he first docked the boat, but now he’s standing straight and tall. Something isn’t right. I don’t know what—yet—but I will.

I note that the man’s tall and built, with thick-ass arms and thin legs. Kidnapping bastard skips leg day. So swiping at the legs will make him fall like a tree, then I can slam my foot onto his throat to incapacitate him.

“Excuse me,” I call to the homeless woman as she pushes her cart away from the dock. It sounds like chittering. Fuck, I’m still a raccoon.

Focus, Asgard. If you were this distracted in Black Ops, you would have never come home.

I scan my surroundings to make sure the coast is clear before I jump behind a park bench to shift.

“Hey,” I try again as I jog after the homeless woman. “I need to talk to you for a second.”

She glances my way and speeds up, pushing her cart faster. She has long matted hair that would be easy to grab so I can throw her to the ground. Once they’re down, beating them is simple.