Page 42 of Modern Persuasion

"Maybe if you stayed sober."

"Maybe if Emma went home."

"I am going to keep her in your life. I will call her all the time, invite her to visit, and you will have to see her. You might as well give in to her."

"You can join the Emma Shaw fan club if you want, but you are going to have to fight Patrick to be president."

"Fuck you, Fredrick. I'm going to make you pay for that. Watch me."

She did pay me back. The next night Sammy caught my eye as she placed her adorable baby in the arms of the woman I love. I sat there and watched as the baby fell asleep in Emma's arms. I kept staring at them, and eventually, Emma caught my eye. I could see the tears fill her eyes from where I was sitting. When she looked away, I got up and left. Maybe Patrick and Sammy were right.

"I am not going to Chicago," Patrick said.

"I figured," I said with a shrug.

"You can get through one more city on your own. Seth is coming, and Louisa knows what she has to do. It'll be fine."

"Why is Seth coming?"

"The boy is helplessly in love. Officially, it's so the two of you can work on the TV show scripts together. He doesn't know if Louisa feels the same way."

I didn't have the energy to argue. All I wanted was Emma.

On the plane, Emma told me a story about hearing a couple at the hotel having sex as she and Louisa waited for the elevator. When we were together, Emma was always full of these stories. She has this knack for finding humor in the mundane. I had the sudden urge to fight with her. As we landed in Chicago, I was so full of anger at Emma that I was ready to explode. It came out of nowhere, but it had been pent up for years. I knew that before we left Chicago, we would have a huge fight.

It happened on the second day there. Without Patrick or Louisa to act as a buffer, I just let her have it. I think what set me off happened the day before when Louisa finally asked Emma about the cuppa tea chant. I didn't realize it, but every time Emma chanted it, so did I. I couldn't stop noticing it once she pointed it out. I had taken Emma's habit and made it mine. She was so ingrained in me, and it was infuriating. When she arrived alone to go with me to the signing, I was itching for a fight. Louisa had told me Emma had met with a local publisher while in Los Angeles, a friend of the family. I wondered if Emma was job hunting. I couldn't imagine that she wanted to move to Los Angeles, considering she had refused once before. I assumed she was using this as an opportunity to get more money, especially since she seemed unhappy to be on tour.

I had been obsessing about it since we had arrived in Chicago. Now, as we argued about how unhappy I was, I realized I was standing close enough to kiss her. I wanted to rip off her clothes and throw her on my bed. That is unless she told me to stop, but at that moment, I was positive she wouldn't tell me to stop. I got lost in the fantasy for a moment and lost my chance.

"You want to see a clusterfuck?" she said, taking a step away from me. "I'll give you a clusterfuck. The limo is waiting for you to take you to the bookstore. Feel free to tell them you fired me."

I was alone for the signing. The manager, when I arrived, had a message from Emma. She had already called him.

"I swear, this is her wording, not mine. She said to say it verbatim."

"Ok, I forgive any curse words," I told the manager.

"Get your own fucking cup cup cup cup of tea tea tea tea."

I laughed at the manager.

"She really said that?" I eventually said.

"Yes, can I get you a cup of tea or something else to drink?"

I kept laughing until it was time for me to start the reading. I didn't see her there, but everything ran perfectly as it had for every other event on this tour. She must have been there. I was being immature about this. I was only pushing Emma away when I should have pulled her back in. I should be telling her how wonderful she is, how amazing this tour has been despite my childish behavior, and how wrong I was eight years ago to demand all or nothing. Instead, I continued acting like a child.

It turned out she hadn't left me alone. She had shown up to the event and never said a word.

Emma avoided us the next day, but I knew I needed to apologize for my behavior. If Louisa hadn't insisted on her joining us at Navy Pier, I would have probably given up before I could even start apologizing. If Louisa hadn't been stubborn and just gotten off the wall, she may not have gotten hurt, and I would never have had the courage to try to fix things with Emma. I had never seen Emma so decisive and focused as she was when Louisa fell. Seth and I bickered and tried to figure out how to fix things. Emma just did it. She called 911, she forbid us from moving Louisa, she rode in the ambulance, called the Musgroves, and talked to the doctors. Emma knew allergies and medical history, so she waited patiently. I found her typing away on her iPad. She made us all type out what we saw happen.

"You are always so calm under pressure," I said to her.

"Someone has to be."

"You knew exactly what to do."

"First aid certification, Girl Scouts, lifeguarding, and my father."