Page 46 of Modern Persuasion

I am running out of words... Eventually, I will go in and clean this up. That is assuming I want to publish this someday.

It hurts that I know where to find you, what to get you, every little weird thing you do, but I can't kiss you or touch you or even see you smile at me.

I am walking behind you...

I am pretending to do something, but really I am doing this.

Pat's text message exchange while following you around the craft store.

Patrick: Have you gotten laid?

Fredrick: No, you owe me money.

Patrick: I'm flabbergasted. How did you manage to fuck it up?

Fredrick: She met someone else.

Patrick: I refuse to believe it.

Fredrick: His name is Dave and he's a fuckhead.

Patrick: I demand proof.

Fredrick: She's constantly with him.

I stop texting with him at this point because I am watching you. This moment, right now, is the first time I haven't seen Dave attached to your hip.

Patrick: She has been offered an excellent job with a publisher in LA.

Fredrick: She's probably not going to take it.

Patrick: Your friends love her more than they love you.

Fredrick: You aren't helping and I doubt that.

Patrick: She loved you and nobody there knows it... except for Seth.

Lunch -

Ok - so maybe I am wrong about Dave. Preferring a bed of broken glass to spending another night with a person is pretty clear. The thing is, I fear you would say the same thing about spending another night with me.

I can't do this any longer. You have pierced my heart and soul. You are so wrong about everything. You don't see anything. You watched your father grieve the death of your mother for the past fifteen years, and you can't even see my grief over losing you. I have loved nobody but you. Yes, I admit that I have been cruel and resentful, but my love for you has been constant. I came to the Cape for you. All I do is think of you and how much I still want you in my life. Have you not seen this? How can you have misunderstood me?

You are the only person I want a life with, Emma. If that will only happen in New York, so be it. If you have read this far, please end my suffering.

I am half agony, half hope.

Chapter Twenty-Five

I read it three times.

The first time I read it entirely and slowly. I couldn't edit it as soon as I realized what I was reading. By the end, there were so many used tissues next to me that I needed to get another box.

Then I read it the second time. This time I paid attention to moments and things I had missed... Sammy's baby, the benefit at the library, the fight in Chicago, Dave, Elizabeth.

Then I read it a third time and only read the last page...

I am half agony, half hope.