Page 21 of Elemasters

“Well, I mean, I see guys that I think are hot all the time. That doesn’t make me bi though; every guy thinks some other guys are sexy sometimes… but it’s just like, admiration, right? Like wow that dude’s ripped, or that guy’s ass is criminal. Doesn’t everyone do that?”

Dustin’s eyes went wide as silence settled over the room. He’d never heard Chris express those thoughts before, and if he wasn’t high as hell, he probably never would’ve admitted them. In that moment, his mind started racing; flashing back to every moment throughout their lives where Chris’s eyes lingered on the models on the front of underwear packaging for a few seconds too long. Every time one of his teammates “jokingly” flirted with him and he looked genuinely flattered. Even back to the night when Dustin tearfully came out to him, and Chris only really got it when Dustin made it clear that he didn’t find girls attractive at all.

It was as if the entire time he’d thought, “yeah guys are hot, but girls are hotter, so I’m straight, right?”.

Finally, Bailey broke the silence.

“Oh my god… a second bisexual has hit the smoke session,” she said with the cadence of a newscaster, miming a plane crash with her hands.

“What? No… I’m not… I mean,” Chris’s words fizzled out in his throat like a campfire in the rain. He couldn’t even bring himself to finish the thought.

“On a serious note Christian, what you’re talking about definitely isn’t universal,” Bailey said, somewhat cautiously, like she could sense that her joke wounded him more than she anticipated, “you don’t have to label yourself if you’re not comfortable, alright? But if you wanna talk about it more, you know we’ll all support you,”

Chris just nodded solemnly, and pulled his knees to his chest, before looking over at Chloe.

“Well… what about you? What made you bring this up in the first place?”

Chloe looked almost disarmed; as if she’d forgotten that she was the catalyst for this little heart to heart.

“Oh well… I was just thinking that it was kind of refreshing to be around people who are comfortable being their true selves. So much of my time is spent ‘fitting in’, so it’s nice to be in a space where I don’t have to give a shit about that for a little bit,”

“Damn, I kinda thought you were gonna say you were part of the rainbow brigade like the rest of us,” Bailey said with a small giggle, “but I guess every group of queers needs its token straight friend. Especially since we just lost the one we thought we had,”

Chris winced… and oddly enough, Chloe did too.

“That’s just it though… I don’t think I am straight. But I don’t really feel queer either,” she admitted.

“What do you mean?” Dustin wondered aloud.

“Well…I don’t really feel attracted to, well, anyone. Not romantically anyway. I never have. I always expected that to change when I met the right person, but I’ve met lots of great girls and guys, and no matter how much I wanted to reciprocate their feelings, it just didn’t quite click. I’m cool with sex; who doesn’t love a good casual hookup? But anything beyond that and I just feel… nothing,”

“Wait… so is that why…?” Chris started, but he couldn’t find the right words to continue. It was clear that Chloe knew where his train of thought was headed.

“Yeah. I could never figure out how to explain it, but it wasn’t about you Christian, it was about me. I’m not a shot you missed, I’m not a level for you to clear in some video game. I’m just… a person trying to figure myself out, okay? I don’t wanna be your girlfriend, hell I don’t wanna be anyone’s, but that’s not your issue to fix,”

An expression that was somewhere between confusion and relief crossed Chris’s face, but he didn’t say anything further; for once just letting Chloe’s boundary remain firmly intact.

“I don’t think it’s an issue at all,” James said, clearly processing, “I’ve never met anyone that’s not romantically into anyone before, but it’s honestly kinda cool?”

“Cool?” Chloe scoffed and laughed at the same time, “definitely not how I’d describe it,”

“I can see why it feels confusing. Like, do you call yourself queer if you’re not attracted to anyone, or if you don’t feel uncomfortable with the gender other people see you as? But queer just means ‘outside the norm’ right? Well… you’re not what the world expects you to be, and that makes you queer,” James replied with a warm smile, “so if you want into the club, consider this your invitation,”

A soft grin found its way onto Chloe’s face as she took the blunt from Bailey and took a hit.

“I’ll think about it,”

With that, Chris cleared his throat; like he was trying to break free from the awkwardness he was clearly still feeling.

“Let’s lighten the mood a bit, huh? Anyone else got the munchies? You said you ordered pizza, right James?”

“Oh, yeah! I’ll grab it from the kitchen,” James hopped up, but stopped for a second before heading through the doorway, “everyone’s cool with pepperoni and cheese, right?”

“I’m cool with anything except Hawaiian,” Chloe replied.

“Oh come on, you’re not one of those people who hates pineapple on pizza are you?”

“Nah, it ain’t that,” Chris spoke up, his voice still softer than normal, “she’s allergic. Her lips swell up, throat gets scratchy as hell, it’s a whole thing. But she always refuses to wear the little bracelet because it ‘clashes with her outfits’ or whatever,”