Page 40 of HaL

So, I did something no one among our kind had ever done before. Something I had to do in secret. Something that, if discovered, could and would cost me everything.

Because if anyone found out, they would not just turn their backs on me. They would turn their backs on my youngling, too. And I could not bear the thought of that.

I took the only path I could find. I applied for the Commander’s Lottery.”

Those words seem to suck every bit of air from the room. You could hear a pin drop. HaL stops working through the bottom of my hair, his hands going completely still. Because Troza is still holding my arm, I can’t turn around to see his face, but I don’t need to. I can feel the change in him, the sudden tension, silence, and somehow, I know when his heart skips a beat.

HaL doesn’t say a word. He simply lowers his hands back into my hair and continues working, as though keeping them busy is the only thing stopping him from saying whatever has just slammed into his mind. Troza uses this quiet time to gather her thoughts before continuing.

“The memory of sending the credits and hitting the button remains vivid. I was terrified and excited all at the same time. I had spent many a late darkness going over every detail. First, how was I going to send the message without getting caught, and then what would I do if I actually won?

I had found an older communication tower along the Cordilleran Summit ridgeline, one that an avalanche had torn down right after I…” She pauses, then swallows hard. “I will get back to that. Anyway, risings passed, and I was getting ready to gather my things to leave when the message came through, and I knew it was a blessing straight from the Lord of Light himself.

I was ecstatic, but at the same time, I had no idea if I could even become pregnant by another species, but I was willing to take the chance. They sent the package by drone, and it took me an entire rising to build up the courage to even open it.

The instructions were easy to follow, thanks to my healer training. After that, it was simply a waiting game. Would my body accept or reject this miracle? And if it accepted it, what was I going to do to hide it?

Then I got sick, and I rejoiced. I was vomiting my head off with a smile on my face.

During the first rotations, I could hide my pregnancy. All Hallisteranians can, thanks to our thick hides. Then I lied to my parental units and told them an outpost on the Pavonis ridgeline had requested a healer.

They never questioned me.

Why would they? I had spent half my life moving from place to place for orbital rotations, disappearing for long stretches of time as part of my work. No one thought twice when I was gone. No one suspected that one day, while scouting alone, I had found an entrance hidden deep within the rock. Ironically, it’s the very one we are sitting in right now.

Beyond the opening was a cavern. Massive. Ancient. Untouched. No one else knew it existed, and I made sure it stayed that way.

When I arrived there, I hunted and gathered while I still could, forcing myself to keep moving even when my body began to betray me. I knew what was coming. I knew that near the end I would become too weak to hunt, to gather, and perhaps to even stand.

Just like the ones before it, the next rising began. He decided to come early. I had just bent down to lift a water barrel I had carved from one of the old timbers when I felt the warmth of his life sack release.

For one heartbeat, I froze. Then instinct took over. I didn’t panic, I couldn’t afford to. There was no one to depend on but myself. I knew there was time, and I had prepared for this moment every rotation since I realized he was growing inside me. I went through every preparation I had made, forcing myself to breathe through the fear and the pain. Then everything became a blur.

Pain.

Darkness.

Time.

Until suddenly, there was a cry.

His cry.

My senses slowly returned, and when I opened my eyes, slightly dazed and a little confused, somehow, he was in my arms.

My son.

My beautiful son. I remember staring at him and thinking that surely no creature had ever been given anything more precious.

I wanted to carry him back and show him off to everyone, shout his existence to the entire world. Show them how perfect he was and let them know that I had brought him into this world. But I could not! Because if I did, I would lose everything.

My career.

My place and a stable home.

Possibly even my son.

So, I lied … Again.