Page 54 of Fated to the Alpha

That was what Kimberly wanted all along. She wanted the freedom to go anywhere, do anything, and be anyone she wanted, without other shifters afraid that she’d break like a porcelain figurine. She never wanted to be so fragile, but if she were honest, last night, despite all her blustering, she had never felt more vulnerable.

Shane could have seen her outburst as something else entirely. He could have thrown up his hands and denied her boundaries. He could have ordered her out. He could have punished her for being so insolent toward a high-ranking alpha. That was what Isaac would have done. She knew the moment she stormed into his apartment she put everything on the line. Everything could have crumbled like a dried leaf in a tight fist.

“Were you … Were you really going to leave me alone? Gage said—”

Shane’s eyes went dark. “Don’t mind what Gage said.” As if realizing where they were and that chatting veterans were too close, he lowered his voice. “I didn’t exactly say that, but I let him believe it.”

“Why?”

Shane struggled with his word choice. “You, of all people, should understand how I feel about deception and secrets. When I figured out that you had been keeping something from me, something really important, I didn’t know how to handle it.”

“I wasn’t trying to deceive you.” Kimberly hoped the urgency in her voice translated as sincerity and not as if she were compensating for being caught in a lie.

“I know you weren’t now, but at the time … it hurt to think you didn’t trust me. I can only be an effective alpha if my pack trusts me to take care of them. I lost over half my pack to Kevin because they lost confidence in me. The more you kept pushing it off, saying you weren’t ready to talk and that it wasn’t about me, the more I wanted to believe the opposite. I wondered what I was doing wrong, what it was that prevented you from trusting me. I couldn’t understand why you suddenly shut me out. That night at the gym, I didn’t know whether I was more furious with you, the bastard that messed you up, or with myself.”

Kimberly let her gaze drop to the table, ashamed of the way she had unintentionally hurt him.

Shane’s fingers pressed into the side of his mug in his hand. “You explained yourself well enough … but if you trusted me more, would you have told me sooner?”

Kimberly wished she had a warm and fuzzy answer for him, to assure him that whatever he believed about himself was wrong and that trust had nothing to do with her decision to withhold the truth, but that would have been a lie. A tiny part of her didn’t trust him, but only because she was so terrified of being shattered again, of being rejected and made to feel like she was worthless because she struggled.

“I don’t know.” The words barely broke through the hiss of the grill in the kitchen and a bout of grisly laughter from the veterans, but Shane would have heard her.

He nodded as if to force himself to acknowledge her answer. “It doesn’t change anything, but I … I know this feels complicated and maybe too good to be true, but I really want to believe that there could be an us. I had my doubts before, but now…”

Kimberly saw a wry smile in her peripheral.

“You beat me to it.”

“To what?”

“Saving us.”

Kimberly lifted her gaze to meet his. But there was nothing of the previous hurt, hate, or anger. Instead, she saw gratitude and a softness that showed all was forgiven, that they had come out of the fire. They both had been singed by the flames and stank of smoke, but alive and perhaps even closer somehow.

Did she really save this complicated, tangled mess of a relationship, if that was what it was? Was that what she had been trying to do? What was it that they were anyway? Half ten years stale and half groping for unbridled passion just beyond their fingertips, whatever this was had seemed to be on the verge of self-destruction. Were they really in the clear now? Or was this just a prelude to how chaotic things would get?

Chapter Twelve

Shane tossed his bag into the passenger seat and slammed the driver’s side door after he slid behind the wheel. He didn’t like the idea of leaving Kimberly at the hotel, but she complained of being tired after their long day. She wasn’t up for a run in her wolf skin with him, but it would have been so nice to have her with him.

It had been a long day, jumping from one meeting or errand to another. The fatigue that accumulated from the previous evening hit him all at once when he pulled out of the hotel parking lot. Maybe it was just a matter of time, or maybe it had to do with the creeping loneliness that slipped into the gaping hole Kimberly left behind.

Kimberly’s presence made this whole trip ten times more enjoyable. She was by his side every step, a comforting partner and sounding board. Her opinion helped him to decide which apartment complex his pack would move into. She thoroughly reviewed every restaurant and cafe they visited, making him see things from a different angle. Her perspective was invaluable, and he wished that she could have joined him for the run, not just for the nostalgia of loping alongside her as a wolf, but to hear her thoughts on the terrain around Oakfield and if it would be adequate for his pack. In many ways, he was already treating her as his alpha female, his mate, testing if she’d be the kind of companion he needed to be the alpha he aspired to be. So far, she passed with flying colors. He expected nothing less.

The more distance he put between himself and the hotel, the greater the tension, and the louder the urge to turn back. All of a sudden, it seemed like every nerve in his body screamed for Kimberly. At each stoplight on his way out of town, he fought the need to make a U-turn. His pulse quickened, and his insides became itchy like an addict jonesing for another hit that lay just out of reach.

Shane smacked his hand on the steering wheel. He growled at the dark road ahead of him as it became nearly unbearable to travel one more mile away from Kimberly. What the hell was happening?

He remembered this feeling. It consumed him in the days and weeks that followed Kimberly’s exile from the pack. This feeling of coming undone made him miss school, isolated in his room, taking one painful breath after another. His father had once accused him of forming a mating bond with Kimberly, but they both knew that wasn’t true because they would have all been able to sense it. Besides, Shane didn’t learn until much later what it took to form the mating bond. He knew he still hadn’t done that with Kimberly, yet the similarity in this feeling was irrefutable.

What this was, Shane still didn’t know. All he knew was that after spending twenty-four straight hours with the woman, he couldn’t go for this run. He couldn’t go without her for another minute. He needed her like he needed air. Yet, he needed to go on this run. He needed to explore the woods around Oakfield and make sure they were safe. He had to choose, but it felt like an impossible choice. Kimberly or his pack.

He managed to make it to the edge of town and found an empty cop nest amongst the trees, hidden from the road. It was just big enough for squad cars to sit and wait for speeding motorists, and it was perfect to conceal his truck. With steely determination, Shane jumped from the truck, his movements rushed and harsh as if that would help propel him into the task at hand. Kimberly would be at the hotel when he came back. He only had one night to make this run for the future of his pack. It wasn’t the first sacrifice he’d make, nor the last.

But the further he trekked through the trees, the angrier his wolf became. His progress slowed, his feet heavier with every step, legs weighted down as if he were wading through waist-deep mud.

The demand pounded in his head.