Page 73 of Fated to the Alpha

Ten years ago, that kind of talk might have gotten her smacked into next Tuesday.

Instead, her father just shook his head. “No. I was afraid for you. I thought a shifter with no dominance would be so vulnerable that they could never live on their own or be separated from a pack because they would be taken advantage of.”

“And you were right.”

His eyes darkened. “No, I was not. That’s just what I taught you to believe because I was scared. I wanted you to take every precaution to keep yourself safe. I wanted you to never know what it was like to be alone, so I made you believe you had to be part of a pack to survive. I told you that shifters might try to use your lack of dominance against you. I tried to make you feel weak and submissive so that you would always seek protection from other people.” Patrick’s eyes softly shone. “I couldn’t stand the thought of my baby girl getting hurt, so I did things, said things, that were not right so that you would never even remotely allow yourself to be put in a position to be hurt … Do you understand me?”

Kimberly couldn’t bear to see her father, always so strong and sure of himself, nearly break down at the dinner table in front of a plate of French toast.

She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to understand. “But … what does that have to do with putting the kettle on the stove for me and helping Mom with breakfast? It’s all very … not dominant, not alpha behavior, and that’s never been you, even before I turned.”

Patrick rubbed his eyes before any tears could fall. “No, Kimberly. The alpha act wasn’t me. Again, I tried to put on a show for you, or that’s how it started. I wanted to show you what a real alpha should do, what a real protector is like, so that you may look for a future mate with the same qualities. Someone who wouldn’t be pushed around. Someone who could make the world safe for you. What I didn’t realize, and what ended up happening, was that I took on this tough-guy persona, and it not only drove you away, but it also nearly broke apart my marriage, and it ultimately kicked us out of Warrington. The fake power trip went to my head, and I did the stupidest thing a man could do. I tried to be someone I wasn’t. It nearly destroyed us. The ends could never have justified the means, and I realized that far too late. They call it toxic masculinity today, but in my day, it was being an asshole. Being an alpha, or an alpha type, was never about control, but service. An alpha shifter serves a pack, not the other way around.”

The reformed man rubbed at his face, and Kimberly couldn’t help but stare.

“So, all of that was for my benefit somehow?”

Patrick nodded and took a deep, shuddering breath. “It was … your mother also understood that, and when you left home after graduation, she demanded that we see a counselor. A shifter counselor, of course, and they helped me to understand what I did.” He leveled a heartbroken gaze at her. “I never had the courage to ask for your forgiveness, because as far as I could tell, you did well, despite me and my bullshit. I should have spent eighteen years making you feel like one of the pack, one of the family. You were never broken. You were always enough and always will be. I’m just so … so sorry I’m the last to tell you this, but you grew up to be a strong woman, a strong shifter, and I couldn’t be prouder.”

Now Kimberly was crying. For the first time in recent memory, she stood up and went to her father to wrap her arms around his shoulders. He smelled like strong coffee and sawdust, like he had already been out on the farm that morning before breakfast.

His big hand gripped her arm to return the gesture, and they both sniffled back the emotions that neither one of them wanted to show. Some habits would be hard to kick, and she wasn’t sure she could forgive him, but there was hope in his redemption story. Hope for them, as a family, and for her as a shifter. One conversation over breakfast wouldn’t change a lifetime of self-doubt, but it was a start.

A tiny piece of herself, one that she hadn’t known she had been missing, drifted up from the depths and fell into place. Just knowing that her negative self-talk had been a lie from the very beginning, that no one really believed she was weak or damaged, helped to reveal who she could be.

The startling truth was, she had never changed. Her view of herself was what changed. It was like getting corrective lenses for the first time and she saw the world and herself with perfect clarity, or shedding an itchy, tight sweater that might have fit her years ago but not anymore. It was liberating and terrifying at the same time.

Having no dominance as a shifter didn’t make her any less of a shifter. Her value was not anchored in her dominance, as she had been led to believe. Maybe, just maybe, everyone else believed the same lie because she walked in it. She lived it and projected it. The men who tried to date her might have picked up on her insecurity and dropped out because of her, not because of her lack of dominance. Gage and Declan may have assumed she needed protection, as a lone college girl on her own for the first time. This new revelation changed her whole perception of her struggles.

And Nathan had been looking for an easy target, just like everyone said. He could have gone for any other single woman in Tolstone, human or shifter, but he chose her because everyone thought it would be the ultimate offense. It was, but he paid for it, and so did she. He reinforced the lie, gave it more life than her father ever could have.

Maybe, if she had walked with confidence since the beginning, no one would have thought less of her. They could clearly sense her lack of dominance, but that would not have made them think she couldn’t take care of herself.

Then, like a bolt of lightning, it hit her.

Shane had never treated her like that, not for one moment. He never doubted her, never thought her too small and defenseless. He didn’t baby her. He saw her strength, saw through the conditioning that worked against her, and he knew the truth all along. He never saw the lie. He only saw her, and he had wanted her anyway. Dominance never mattered, just like he said. Those words hit differently now.

It didn’t erase their fight or what he said, but it did give greater light. One moment of stress and struggle couldn’t override a lifetime of Shane battling against the dragons in her mind.

That made her understand that she couldn’t block him anymore. She had to give him the benefit of the doubt. She wasn’t quite ready to talk, but she would listen to the voicemails waiting for her. She was at least strong enough for that much.

Chapter Seventeen

Shane purposefully asked Paul to host the next meeting, more as a show of respect for his new beta than the practicality of space. However, the apartment he and Trent shared was hardly capable of accommodating the remnants of the pack. John and Chelsea let a babysitter take care of their children, and Shane promised the meeting would not take longer than a couple of hours.

The last time they had gathered like this, the vibe had been casual, even a little festive, with their potluck cookout and outdoor firepit. Now, a heavy expectancy hung in the apartment’s living room. The sprier of the pack sat on the floor while the rest crowded onto the sofa and in the chairs pilfered from the dining room.

They all knew what Shane had done to Andy, and what Cody and Thea chose to do in response. They would have all felt the pack bonds cut and the open air that hung in their place. Shane wasn’t sure who else had a mind to leave, but he had to do what he could to mend the trust he had broken. First, discussing where he intended to take his pack. Just as Kimberly and his gut insisted, he needed their input on whether Oakfield was a good fit for the pack.

He rubbed his damp palms against his jeans and took a fortifying breath as they waited for him to start.

“So, a few housekeeping matters,” he began, then nodded to Paul. “Paul and I talked, and he has graciously agreed to be our beta. From the beginning, I know he’s always considered what was best for the pack, and he’s helped straighten me out in the last couple of days, as a true beta should.”

Paul gave him a nod of appreciation for the kind words and everyone seemed to approve of Shane’s choice.

Shane then went into exhaustive detail over what he found about Oakfield, both from his scouting trip and his research. Every matter that had been brought up before was addressed, and every point of contention was put to rest. The pack listened, exchanging looks with their neighbors occasionally, but didn’t say a word until their alpha was finished.

“I feel Oakfield will be a good fit for the pack and meets everyone’s requirements, as well as their preferences … That being said, I am ready to make the financial proposal to Dominic to get us a leg up in our new place. Security deposits, savings buffers, moving expenses, stuff like that. Originally, I thought I’d make the proposal and then give you all a moving date … but the circumstances in which I made that choice no longer apply.” Shane rubbed his hands together as he deliberated over the words. “What I mean is, I haven’t been the best alpha for the pack lately. I wasn’t seriously considering your needs, and I wasn’t operating with a mindset of compassion and understanding like I did in Warrington. None of that was fair, and I apologize for that. I won’t make excuses, and I won’t try to play it off like my behavior wasn’t a big deal. It was, and no amount of excuses will earn my forgiveness, nor do I expect it. I’ve made some poor choices over the last few days.”