Page 208 of Love Felt Like This

“No,” I answer.

Jimmy runs a tongue over his teeth and sighs. “I’m sorry, big guy.”

It’s the last stop on our tour before we break for a couple of months, do some interviews, then go back out again for another tour to promote the new album. I don’t know what I was hoping for tonight. Maybe that Beverly would celebrate with us afterward. Maybe that, after three months apart, I could see her for just a few hours. Maybe talk to her. Tell her it was all a mistake. See where it lands us.

I love you.

I get it, though.

We’re complicated.

I’m complicated.

Who would want to be with someone perpetually on the road?

Dom, Poe, and Royce walk through the backstage door. Poe balances a small basket of fries in his palm.

“Last cheese fries of the tour, and honestly, I’m a little disappointed,” he says, grabbing a handful to shove into his mouth and then asking through full cheeks, “Griffin? Want one?”

I give a wry smile—the same one I’ve given at every single venue because it’s tradition for me to do so—and shake my head no. The cheese messes with my vocal cords, so I don’t eat them before singing for two hours straight. Poe, on the other hand, couldn’t care less about his voice.

“Suit yourself,” Poe says with a shrug.

I snort a small laugh. I’ll miss our little road traditions. I’m sure he’ll come up with something new for the next one, but thinking past tonight feels impossible.

Royce pushes the fries away when Poe offers them to him next. “Stop, man. Read the room.”

“What?” Poe looks to me; then his face falls. “Oh, shit.” He sets down the fries and brushes the crispy debris from his fingers. “Puppet girl didn’t come.”

“It’s fine,” I lie. “Just means I can get home to Ava sooner. I’m sure Nancy will be happy to have her night back.”

Dom groans. “Don’t worry me like that.”

I chuckle. I’m sure his teen daughter being on the loose in LA on a Friday night wasn’t his idea of a relaxing homecoming.

Poe’s jaw drops. “Wait wait wait, you’re not gonna go out with us after? It’s the end of the tour. We have to go out.”

Royce laughs. “Enough with the peer pressure!”

“It’s tradition!” Poe whines.

“Well, enough with the traditions, then.”

Dom, silently sitting across from me while Poe and Royce continue to bicker, leans forward on his forearms, leveling me with a look.

“You all right?” he asks.

I sit up, stretching out my back and crossing my arms over my chest. “I’ll be fine.”

Maybe if I say it enough, it’ll be true.

I have a massive crowd of fans out there, occasionally chanting my name, with phones out and lyrics banked to scream. It’s a heavy weight of baggage and fame that a woman who loves disappearing beneath feathers and felt would never crave. I don’t blame her for not coming. Not one bit.

“It’ll be good for you to take a break,” Jimmy says, clapping a hand on my shoulder and shaking it. “Build up that energy for the next tour, huh?”

I tighten my hold on my crossed arms.

“He’s not wrong,” Royce throws in. “Maybe take a small vacation in between.”