Page 143 of One to Watch

Ruby:What’s that, Cat?

Cat:Next week is the premiere of Main Squeeze Mansion!

Ruby:Oh my God, I have to watch another one of these things?

Cat:This is your life now, Ruby. You watch one season, you get attached to all the people, and then you can never stop tuning in to see what happens next. Besides, aren’t you excited to see which women—and men, frankly—Luc is going to sleep with this time around?

Ruby:Come on, Cat, did you even watch last season? The answer is everyone. Luc is going to sleep with everyone.

Cat:Too right, he is. And if you’re going to sleep with everyone, first of all, well done you, but second of all, you might want a monthly shipment of condoms delivered directly to your door. SafetyGirl condoms are made without any harmful chemicals that can be absorbed into your vagina, and you can customize your shipment so you’re always prepared to have as much sex as you want, whether that’s with a million different partners like Luc or with one person you’re going to love forever and ever, just like Bea and Asher because I am always right.

Ruby:Had to get that last one in there, didn’t you?

Cat:You know it! We’ll be back right after this.

TRANSCRIPT OF CHAT FROM #SQUEEZE-MAINIACS SLACK CHANNEL

Direct Message: Colin7784 and Beth.Malone

Colin7784: Hey, I have a question.

Beth.Malone: What’s going on?

Colin7784: Is there going to be a retroactive winner of the league this season now that Asher and Bea are together?

Beth.Malone: OMFG SERIOUSLY COLIN? I HAVE BEEN *VERY CLEAR* ABOUT THE RULES OF THE LEAGUE, WE WENT THROUGH THIS WITH THE WYATT THING, POINTS ARE AWARDED AT THE TIME OF THE BROADCAST

Colin7784: Beth, I’m messing with you

Beth.Malone: What.

Colin7784: So are we going to do another league for Main Squeeze Mansion? Or not until Sam’s season?

Beth.Malone: Wow, you really got into it, huh?

Colin7784: Yeah yeah, you were right, it was fun

Colin7784: Do you have plans, by the way? For the Main Squeeze Mansion premiere? Because if you don’t, I mean, I don’t know. I thought it would be cool if we could watch together or something. If you want.

Beth.Malone: Oh. Yeah. Yeah, I think that could be cool.

Colin7784: Yeah? Cool.

Beth.Malone: Cool.

LAUREN MATHERS RE-UPPED AS MAIN SQUEEZE EP IN 4-YEAR DEAL

by Tia Sussman, deadline.com

Following the highest-rated season in years, controversial Main Squeeze showrunner Lauren Mathers has inked a four-year deal with ABS to helm the reality behemoth. Mathers made headlines for her illicit affair with one of the show’s contestants, but according to our source at ABS, that wasn’t a problem for the brass.

“Numbers don’t lie, and this season of Main Squeeze was huge,” says the source. “Besides, all the men who run these shows have done way worse than Lauren for years, so why would her affair with Luc be a problem? That episode KILLED in the ratings.”

Mathers’s seven-figure deal encompasses all banners under the Main Squeeze umbrella franchise, including this fall’s upcoming season starring fan-favorite Sam Cox. We’re also told Mathers is developing a new series starring her former paramour, Luc Dupond. More details on that as we receive them.

MAIN SQUEEZE SPECIAL: WHERE ARE THEY NOW?

by Kellie McGinty, usweekly.com