Page 124 of Fang Fiction

Transcript of Here to Slay podcast, episode 91

Cat: Hey, this is Cat!

Ruby: And this is Ruby.

Cat: And we have a really fun show today, which I’m affectionately calling, “Who was the best romantic partner for Buffy, and why was it Faith?”

Ruby: This is the homosexual agenda in full force.

Cat: Correct. But first, Ruby, we have a lot of Blood Feud updates this week?

Ruby: I’ll say! It started when Blood Feud author August Lirio announced they were unveiling their identity at four-thirty a.m. at a hotel in Brooklyn.

Cat: Then they didn’t even show! And someone pulled a fire alarm and someone else insisted there were real vampires at the hotel, and either that’s true or this person faked puncture wounds on their neck for attention, which seems, you know.

Ruby: A lot more plausible?

Cat: Tough, but fair.

Ruby: But it turned out Lirio was just whetting our appetite for even more exciting news! Three days after the hotel debacle, they announced that we’re finally getting a fourth Blood Feud novel!!!

Cat: How happy are you right now, Ruby? Scale of one to ten?

Ruby: Thirty million.

Cat: Sounds right! So what do we know so far about the book?

Ruby: We know we’re going to see a major shift in who we consider to be the heroes and villains of the series. And we’ll meet our first-ever human character—apparently a young woman named Jess.

Cat: Ugh, not a teen though, right?! Not that I hate teen girls, teen girls fucking rule, just enough with teaching them to have crushes on two-hundred-year-old men, you know?

Ruby: Agree!! And no, Jess is a full adult, which is nice. The final thing we know is that this is going to be the last book in the Blood Feud series.

Cat: No!!!

Ruby: I know. But August Lirio promises they have other series in mind—including potentially building out Bar Between and showing us other worlds the characters we love can visit.

Cat: I didn’t really follow that, but it sounds cool?

Ruby: It’s extremely cool.

Cat: Okay! Now that we have the big news out of the way, let’s take our first break, which is sponsored by Joke TK. You might think that means I just haven’t written a joke here yet, but you’d be wrong! Joke TK is actually a service that uses artificial intelligence to steal jokes from the greatest comedy writers of all time, then adapt them slightly for your specific needs. Worried about a wedding toast or company holiday party chitchat? Joke TK has bots at the ready to find the perfect joke for you.

Ruby: Are the jokes…funny?

Cat: Um. Sometimes! We’ll be back right after this.

——Forwarded Message——

From: Elaine Harriman

BCC: Undisclosed Recipient List

Sent: September 4, 9:07 PM

Subject: Re: Emergency meeting

Thanks to everyone who made the meeting tonight—I’m glad this mess is finally behind us. For those who missed the meeting, the vote was unanimous to lift the travel ban between the Isle and other dimensions, and those who live on the Isle are free to return through Bar Between after routine questioning via truth serum. (We don’t believe anyone else was aiding Konstantin Adamos, Felix Hawthorn, and Fern Castillo, but it’s prudent to be certain.) As for Fern, she’ll be dealt with by our council at a trial date TBD. If you have any questions, please ask someone else. I’m getting too old for this.