Page 121 of See You Next Tuesday

Kira [10:08am]: We’re suspending the campaign. We decided four days ago. JS will announce in two weeks when she concedes defeat in the New York primary

Gabe [10:08am]: Fuck, K. I am so, so sorry

Kira [10:10am]: Anyway, that’s probably why you haven’t heard from Anya. She’s taking it really hard. She feels responsible

Gabe [10:10am]: Why?? She worked her ass off for that campaign

Kira [10:12am]: It’s all kind of mixed up in her head right now

Kira [10:12am]: The way she feels about the campaign, the way she feels about you

Gabe [10:12am]: What does that mean?

Kira [10:13am]: You should talk to her about it

Gabe [10:13am]: I am desperate to talk to her about it. She won’t pick up her phone

Gabe [10:13am]: Should I drive down there? I can leave right now

Kira [10:14am]: No, that’s a bad idea

Kira [10:14am]: But I might have a better one

Kira [10:23am]: Okay. So you know it’s Simone’s birthday on Sunday?

Kira [10:25am]: I’m throwing her a little dinner at the Tabard Inn. It’ll be small, just the four of us

Gabe [10:25am]: I don’t want to ruin Simone’s birthday

Kira [10:25am]: So don’t ruin it

Kira [10:26am]: I know this has been brutal on all of us

Kira [10:26am]: But we’ll figure it out. And keep showing up for each other. Right?

Gabe [10:27am]: Always

Kira [10:27am]: Cool

Kira [10:27am]: I’ll see you Sunday

Kira [10:27am]: Oh, and dress up, k? Not like I need to tell you twice, but Simone will be pissed if you mess up the vibe

Gabe [10:28am]: Heard

Gabe [10:28am]: And thank you. Really

Kira [10:28am]: No sweat:)

Anya dug through her closet, looking for something to wear to Simone’s birthday dinner. She didn’t want to dress up, she didn’t want to go out, and she definitely didn’t want to see Gabe. She wanted to stay in the same sweats she’d been wearing for weeks, curl up under the weighted blanket her dad had sent after they lost South Carolina, and try really, really hard not to think about the fact that the man she loved was the same person who’d ended the best, most important work she’d ever done.

She didn’t want to blame him. She wanted to believe him that he hated those attack ads as much as she did, that he really and truly fought with everything he could to keep them off the air.

But then…why didn’t he quit? Why didn’t his principles matter more to him? Was it really because he thought Wheeler had the best shot of winning in November? Was there anything Gabe couldn’t justify if he let that logic rule his life?

The worst part was that Anya felt like it was her fault almost as much as his. It had been her strategy to fight back against those negative ads, but all that did was draw more attention to them. Then Nathan and Liddy dropped out of the race and consolidated their support behind Wheeler, and that was the end. Jo’s candidacy was a pipe dream, and the voters were too afraid of losing to try to make that dream a reality. Anya had been so certain that optimism could win out over fear, just as it had all those years ago in Ohio. That doing the right thing, and working for the right candidate, would lead to the right result. She had felt so confident, so hopeful, so sure. Now she felt like an idiot for ever having believed it.

Anya was tired all the time, but she’d barely been able to sleep for the last month. When she did, she dreamed about the cabin on Orcas, and the dogs, and the mountains. She dreamed about Gabe, and she woke up crying. She wanted to call her mom. She wanted Jo to be president. She wanted anything in her life to make sense again. Failing that, she wanted to get back under the weighted blanket.