Page 81 of Strange Lights

Dave gleefully trundles at the vanguard of our little party, snaking tendrils ahead of us in the darkness as we climb flights of stairs and make our way through the maze of corridors. I realize what he’s doing when we pass the first guarded checkpoint with both guards slumped to the floor. A slow puddle of blood is leaking from under one of them. Dave clicks an appendage ominously.

“Sadistic little thing, aren’t you?” Calvin mutters.

“Don’t complain. Just be glad it isn’t you,” Meredith says. “He’s not killing them, only maiming the worst of them.” But she speaks in a low voice to Dave, muttering directions. From then on, he leaves some upright. They fold back into the shadows upon a quiet signal from Meredith.

“How many agents have you turned to our side?” Zara asks, a note of pride in her voice.

“Enough,” Meredith says tersely.

The launch pad is as deserted as the rest of the base. From this vantage, I can see a blazing fire, a dark swirl of smoke obscuring the stars by the front entrance. I don’t know what Dave did, but he did it thoroughly.

Winnie trundles up, headlights off, and Doug flings open the door from inside. The Winnebago lifts into the air before the door closes behind us, Doug a mad whirl of tentacles and worried chirps.

“Eldi,” I say, reaching for her where she cowers by Calvin’s feet.

She moves forward cautiously, as if unconvinced it’s me behind the mask, but Calvin intercepts her. “Wait, Eldi. Let me try to get the mask off Reggie.”

Doug and Dave whirl about, fussing around Eldi like a pair of anxious grandparents, prodding at her insistently.

It takes Calvin only moments to tear apart the back of the mask, metal crumbling under his fingers, but it feels like longer. When I finally rip it from my face, I hurl it hard against the wall, where it bounces off and hits the floor, sliding under the table and out of sight.

Eldi nearly bowls me over again as she leaps into my arms. I hold her and sob into her hair as she pats my back awkwardly.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you. I should never have told you to go. I love you, Eldi.”

“Love you,” Eldi says. I’d be content to hold her forever, but all too soon she wriggles, craning her neck to look around. “Goat?” she questions.

Calvin gives me a tissue and hands Eldi her raggedy stuffed Goat. She gleefully cuddles him, and I blow my nose and try to compose myself. Her watch gives my wrist one last squeeze, then unlatches itself and slithers like a snake over to Eldi, who greets it with a fond pat, like an old friend. Then Eldi leaps up, grabs her tablet off the table, and hops into her nest above the cab, apparently completely unfazed and ready to leave behind our misadventures.

“You kept this?” Meredith is holding the glued-together, too-small pot and overgrown healing cactus. “I’m surprised it’s still alive.” Her face is hard to read.

“It’s a survivor,” I say. My knees are aching, but I don’t move off the floor as the silence stretches awkwardly. “I fucked up. But I thought you two would be better off without me. That I was just as bad as Adele. I’m sorry I left you both behind.”

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. And I’ve heard a lot of bullshit in my life,” Zara says, crossing her arms and sitting stiffly at the table. She looks out of place and uncomfortable, still in her wrinkled suit.

Meredith, by contrast, looks completely at ease, lounging in leggings and a T-shirt across from Zara. “You both left me behind,” she says.

Zara looks chagrined. “I stayed for you. It isn’t my fault Adele kept you away from me. I was trying to get us out; I had plans. It was complicated. But Reggie abandoned us both, and I wasn’t going to do that too.”

I can’t help the tears rolling down my face as Zara glares at me and Meredith looks conflicted. “I’m so sorry; I really am,” I say. “If you believe nothing else I say, fine. But at least believe I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought you were better off without me.”

“You promised you’d come back,” Zara says.

“I know.”

“You said Meredith was my responsibility. So I stayed.”

“I know.”

Zara cracks first. She sinks to the floor with me. Meredith holds it together for a few moments longer, but soon the three of us are crying together and holding one another.

Silently observing, Calvin leans on the counter by the sink, his eyes wary as he looks down at me.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth about who I am, Calvin,” I say when we’ve all marginally regained our composure.

“I’m sorry I gave her any information about you,” Calvin replies.

“I thought if you knew⁠—” My throat feels like it’s swelling, but I need to explain. “The things I’ve done⁠—I wanted to forget⁠—”