Page 55 of Wildwood

It feels silly, and I’m suddenly aware of a cat snoozing on the bed, and of a can of Red Bull sitting on the desk. I close my eyes and think of the dream. I picture the sudden tightening of rope on my neck, the feeling of ground giving way beneath my feet, the dead weight of my body, swaying. Funny, I don’t remember dreaming that, but I can feel it now. I put the questions in my head. What do these dreams mean? What role am I supposed to play?

“Hand me the cards.” Gina carefully lays out the top four in a row. I look down.

The first card is the Devil. He sits in a chair, wings spread, upside-down star on his forehead. Ram’s horns sprout from his head. I swallow, my doubts melting away into curiosity.

“This card represents the cause of the dream. What’s happened in the world that is causing you to see these things. It is Baphomet, the Devil.”

“So, it’s evil?” I say stupidly.

“Not necessarily. It can mean an evil act absolutely. It could mean that you’ve become a slave to opulence and materialism. It could also suggest you have feelings of emptiness or entrapment in your life.”

I think I feel Gina’s eyes glance down at my belly, and my face burns.

“The second card represents what the spirits are trying to tell you through the dream.” The card shows a woman and a lion. She looks calm and seems to be petting or feeding the animal. “The Strength card here suggests the spirits are calling on you to face your fears with optimism.”

She points to the next card, which shows a man carrying swords. The card is upside down. “The third card is the psychological meaning of the dream. Here you have the Seven of Swords, but it is reversed. This can suggest that there is something you thought you got away with, something connected with the origin of the dream. But it is time to atone for what you’ve done.”

There’s one more card to go, but I already feel muddled, like the cards fit but don’t fit.

“But what if the dream isn’t my own?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, the dream I’m having, it almost doesn’t feel like a dream. It feels like it is someone else’s memory. Are the cards describing me or are they reflecting the person whose memory I’m experiencing?”

Gina looks at me blankly. “That I can’t say.” Gina speaks slowly. “The fourth card represents what’s to come, what will happen going forward.” She points to the card and watches me as I take in the image. There’s an X on the top and a figure lying face down, with swords stabbed in his back. I’m not a psychic, but clearly this is not a good card to end on.

“The Ten of Swords.” Gina sighs, her nail tapping the card slowly. “This represents the ultimate betrayal. Typically, the fourth card in a dream spread helps one to understand the dream’s overall message and the real-life action you must take. But the Ten of Swords in this position, it feels more like a warning.”

The cat yawns and jumps on the floor, casting a look of disdain in my direction. I realize I’ve been holding my breath, so I slowly exhale. I want to think she added the last part for dramatic effect. But Gina is chewing her lip, and her expression looks clouded.

“Who is going to betray me?” The question comes out louder than I intend.

“I don’t know. But it will be significant. This is not a friend bad-mouthing you, or even an affair. But it’s also not clear what role you play.”

“How do you mean?”

“Will you be betrayed or are you the betrayer?”

Chapter 45

We spend the evening cooking eggplant Parmesan and rehashing horror stories about old boyfriends. Sam, Mia’s husband, has to shush our cackles of laughter multiple times.

“You’re going to wake the kids,” he’d say, and each time we boo him away.

We aren’t even drinking wine but I feel loopy. I wish I could bottle this feeling. This lightheartedness.

“Do you think I’m going crazy?” I ask Mia when we are digesting our dinner and sit, curled up in sweatshirts, in her living room.

“No,” she says immediately, staring me intently in the eye. “Of course not.”

“So do you think I’m being haunted?”

She glances out the window, which has a view of the Boston skyline. “I don’t know if haunted is the right word. But I think you are picking up on something that happened. Something evil. Who the hell knows what happens when you die? It makes sense to me that there could be some sort of echo left behind, if something terrible happened.”

A pause. “Topher is worried about you.”

My chin pulls back instinctively. Of course he’s talked to her. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. I contemplate telling Mia about how far we’ve drifted but can’t bring myself to verbalize it.