Page 14 of Peaks and Promises

An awkward silence ensued. I wasn’t sure what else to say. I was so used to keeping secrets, I barely knew how to maintain a simple conversation with her. But I didn’t want to hang up yet, either.

Finally, she spoke again. “Reese?”

“Yeah.”

“I know you don’t want me to ask, but have you thought about…”

I waited after she trailed off, but she didn’t continue. She didn’t have to. I knew what she was getting at. She wanted to know if I had thought about coming home.

“You know I can’t.”

“Why?”

“It’s better for everyone if I stay away.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Yeah, I’m sure. It’s not a good idea.”

Something changed in her voice, the hesitation gone. “Why, Reese? Why can’t you come home?”

“Mom—”

“Look, hang up on me if that’s what you need to do, but I can’t keep pretending this is okay. You’re like a wild animal. I’m afraid if I make one wrong move, I’ll chase you away and you won’t call again.”

I rubbed my sternum, as if that would ease the ache in my chest. It didn’t.

“You won’t chase me away.”

“Good. Then hear me out. I don’t know what terrible thing you’re afraid will happen if you come home, but it won’t.”

I wished I could believe her. But she was blinded by her maternal affection. She had no idea how bad it would be.

“I can’t.”

She sighed. “I’m not here to shame or guilt you into anything. It’s not about that. And I don’t know why you’ve stayed away so long. But whatever demons you’re fighting, you have more allies than you realize. You don’t have to fight alone.”

I didn’t know how to make her understand. Not without telling her a lot of things I didn’t want her to know. She’d never see me the same way.

“Just think about it,” she said. “You don’t have to decide anything now.”

“Okay. I’ll think about it.”

“Promise me. Promise that you’ll really consider it.”

The knot in my gut twisted. I couldn’t break a promise to my mom. It was why I still called her, even though it tore me up every time. I’d promised her I wouldn’t abandon her. The rest of my family would say that I had done exactly that, but I always made sure she was okay.

“Fine. I promise.”

“Thank you.”

“I gotta go.”

“All right. I love you.”

“Love you, too.”

I ended the call and tossed the phone back into the glove box.