Page 19 of Flawed Revenge

“I understand that what I'm going to tell you might not change anything, but I'm hoping at least you’ll get why I felt like I had to do what I did.”

“You mean calling me a whore who trapped you with a baby? Someone who was too stupid and immature to be a good mother?” she asked, and pain dripped from every one of her words. Pain that flayed his heart open because it showed him exactly what he’d left behind when he turned his back and walked away that day.

“I was scared.”

“I was scared too, Leo. I was eighteen and we’d just gotten engaged. A baby was a lot, but I was more excited than scared because I was having that baby with you. The man I’d loved since I was eight. I knew you hadn't loved me as long, but I’d thought that once we got together, you’d fallen in love with me. It killed me to know that wasn't true.”

A single tear glittered in the thin moonlight as it trailed its way down Kate’s pale cheek, and with a growl he snatched her up, hauling her onto his lap, then catching that lone tear with his lips. “I loved you, Katie-Bear. Then and now. I wanted to be the best husband I could be to you, so when I heard about an experimental drug program trial being touted around the various special forces, I didn't hesitate to sign up.”

“Experimental drug program?”

“It was supposed to give the recipients enhancements that would make them better in the field. An enhanced ability to heal, an enhanced ability to withstand temperature extremes, an enhanced ability to function better without sleep for longer periods of time.”

“Sounds like a wonder drug.”

“At the time, I thought so too. Then I found out better. I wanted to tell you about it, but we had to sign a non-disclosure agreement. I’d be able to tell you after we were married, which I always intended to do. Unfortunately, there was a lot about the program I didn't understand, a lot I should have looked into before I signed up.”

“You took it? This drug?”

“Yeah, I did. And it did everything it was supposed to do. Unfortunately, it did a lot more than that, though.”

“What else did it do?” Kate was watching him with interest now, her palms resting against his chest, the heat of them thawing out the heart he had tried so hard not to use since he lost her.

“It messed with our heads. It hindered our ability to connect with all emotions other than anger. It dulled our consciences, it filled us with this rage that felt all-consuming, and suicidal thoughts that were hard to ignore. It turned us into monsters,” he told her honestly.

For the last decade, that was what he and his team had believed themselves to be. It was what Dr. Gardner had always called them, justifying why he had to keep them locked in a cage, using the behavior of all the other test subjects, who either killed one another in fits of fury or took their own lives, as proof.

“Are you telling me you ended things with me because you thought you were a monster?”

“Not thought, Katie-Bear, back then I was a monster. I could feel the changes happening in me. I could feel the rage, it was like a beast prowling around inside my head, determined to find a way out. I was terrified I wouldn't be strong enough to keep it under control indefinitely. If I couldn’t, then you would be the one to get hurt. Then you told me you were pregnant, and that fear grew exponentially. A tiny, helpless newborn would be in my care. All I could see were my own hands ripping it apart if I lost control. That’s why I walked away. Not because I didn't love you, not because I didn't love our baby, but because I was terrified of hurting you. Walking away was the worst thing I've ever had to do. Hurting you like that was like injecting poison into my veins, it’s slowly been killing me from the inside out for the last decade. But I'd rather hurt you that way, rather you hate me, than kill you and our baby with my own two hands.”

March 15th

4:22 A.M.

“You would never kill me and Ariella,” Kate said, the objection automatic, and yet she believed that was true. Leo wasn't the kind of man who ripped apart women and babies with his hands.

A sad sigh tumbled from his lips, and he leaned forward to rest his forehead against hers. “Yeah, Katie-Bear, I might have.”

“I don’t believe that. I can't.”

“Because you weren't there back then. It was bad. When I ended things between us, it had only been about a month since we were injected, and things were already beginning to spiral out of control. I was the only member of my newly formed team who had a partner, and I think that made it worse. I was agitated all the time, changes were happening to me, and they weren't what I expected. They weren't ones that could be easily controlled. I started worrying all the time about whether I'd hurt you. Any time you called, texted, or emailed, it almost drove me into a panic attack. Hurting you became all I could think of. If I killed you … damn … Katie-Bear … that would have destroyed me.”

Lifting her off his lap, Leo set her down on the rock and began to pace around the small clearing like a caged animal. She’d never seen him like this before. So agitated. Leo had always been a pretty calm guy. The only time she’d ever seen him even vaguely intense like this was when she was thirteen, and some older guy tried cornering her at a Fourth of July BBQ. She’d been young, had no idea how to stop him touching her, and he’d caught her when she was inside alone while everyone else was out by the pool.

If Leo hadn't come in to use the bathroom, then she’d always known the man would have raped her. But he hadn't had a chance because Leo had come storming in, pulled the guy off her, and punched him hard enough in the face to break his nose.

Her hero.

Always her hero.

Until he hadn't been.

“You really thought you would have wound up hurting me?” she asked, struggling to make sense of what he’d told her. Experimental drugs, enhanced skills, anger he couldn’t control, it all sounded so … action movie-like. These things didn't happen in real life. They just didn't.

“Oh, Katie-Bear, I know I would have. After I ended things with you, my team and I went in to talk to the man who ran the trials. His name was Dr. Gardner, and there was something about him I never liked, I just couldn’t put my finger on exactly what it was.”

Leo’s agitation seemed to be growing, and Kate had no idea how to help him. But despite the tension she could feel rolling off him in crashing waves, she wasn't afraid that he would hurt her.