Page 22 of Defending Van

“You're very handsome when you smile like that,” she said softly, a slight blush on her otherwise pale cheeks.

“Why aren't you afraid of me?” he asked.

“Well, it’s not so much like I'm not afraid of you. I'm not stupid, and I do feel the danger surrounding you, but … I can't explain it. I just feel the other parts of you, too. I'm guessing the parts you don’t want anyone else to know about.”

“You shouldn’t be able to do that,” he muttered, feeling more exposed than he had in a long time, and even though he didn't like it, a part of him loosened slightly at being seen.

“And yet I can.” Reaching out, she brushed her fingertips down his forearm. “It’s okay, Van, you really don’t have to tell me, and I won't tell the others. If that’s what you were worried about, you could have just told me. I can't pretend that I understand what it’s like to live like this, undercover, pretending to be someone you're not. But it’s still okay to be the real you sometimes and just be honest.”

Seemed like trying to keep it secret was a moot point anyway. Makayla had known the truth, sensed it somehow, although he had no idea how. This woman was nothing like anyone he had ever met, and he didn't know what to make of that.

Other than he didn't like it.

But that was a lie.

“You can't tell them, Makayla,” he said, seriously now. If they weren't going to bother with the charade, then she had to know the stakes. “I'm not in a position to do anything to protect anyone right now because of the recent actions of some others. There is nothing I can do to stop anyone from being sold. I don’t have the intel I need yet to destroy Azure. But I will make sure that when you're sold, someone will come in after you.”

Gulping, he saw the fear in her eyes, but he saw the determination too. This woman hadn't learned a secret way to avoid being afraid. All she’d done was learn that no matter how scared you were, you still had to operate at one hundred percent, even if that fear made you want to drop out at zero.

“I won't tell them,” she said, only the tiniest hint of a wobble in her voice.

“I will make sure that you're rescued after you're sold,” he assured her, feeling almost like he was more in need of that reassurance than she was. Almost all the women got out in the end, therefore the odds were definitely in Makayla’s favor. So why did it feel like an empty promise?

“Okay,” she said with a nod. There was trust in her blue gaze, and he almost wished there wasn't.

Because the truth was, she could be one of the unlucky ones who didn't get rescued.

Who was either killed before Prey could get to them, or who disappeared deep underground in a world where secrecy was life.

And he knew that Makayla had to get that, even if she was new to this world. She was a smart woman, and she’d already been through so much. He wanted there to be a way to get her out before she might become lost forever, and that terrified him, because Van never felt that way about any of these women.

There was just something about her that called out to a piece of himself he would have sworn to the death no longer existed. She called out to the part of Van Huxley that would have existed if life hadn't been so cruel to him.

“I won't let you down, Van, I promise,” she said when he didn't say anything. “I won't tell them. Some of them won't be able to keep it to themselves, and I don’t want you to get hurt because of me.”

That was exactly why she was messing with his head. It was him she was worried about in a time when her only concern should be making it to the next second in one piece.

“Remember what I told you?” he asked as he turned his back on her, needing to pull his shield back into place.

“Umm … no. You’ve said a lot of stuff to me.”

“About surviving.”

“That I shouldn’t hesitate next time. That I do whatever I need to do to survive and worry about it later, don’t feel empathy for anyone in my way, because if I don’t act immediately, I might not get another chance.”

“Exactly. All of that. Survive, Makayla, however you have to.”

Punching in the code, he reached for her as his fingers closed around the door handle.

“Van?”

“What?”

“I'm glad I didn't slit your throat.”

As he opened the door and pushed her gently inside, slamming the door behind her, he already knew that Makayla Adair was going to ruin him.

Chapter