Page 46 of Ghost Among Lies

Deep down, I wanted her to say no, but I knew even before she opened her mouth that wouldn't be her answer.

I was about to test my strength. Not my love for her. That was a given. But the strength needed to face the outcome of Sloane's rape.

"I NEED to do this." She looked me in the eyes. "But I can do it alone. I know this has to be just as hard for you as it will be for me. This isn't your burden, and I won't push it on you."

"This isn't about you or me. It's about a child. And neither of us can stand by and watch an innocent being hurt. It's not who we are. So if you feel you need to do this"—I laced my fingers with hers—"then we do it together." I meant every word. At the end of the day, I would always put her first no matter what.

Tears pooled in her eyes. She held them back as she whispered, "Thank you."

I brought our joined hands up to my mouth and kissed her knuckles. "You never need to thank me for taking care of you."

Sloane didn't jump to open the attachment of the email. She stared at it and worked up the courage. And I provided the silent support I knew she required.

With our fingers still laced together, Sloane took a deep breath and clicked on the link. Just like I knew it would, it took her to a secure server tighter than Fort Knox. Passwords, facial recognition, and even the sacrifice of a lamb––okay, that last one was a joke. But the rest was accurate––was needed to access the information. Hawk didn't mess around. Whoever Hawk was, they took security seriously and ensured a regular Joe Shmo couldn't gain access.

I gave Sloane the time to absorb the information without asking questions or looking over her shoulder. I did however watch her face closely for any sign of distress that would require me to step in. Her expression stayed neutral. No one on the outside would know she was reading about the child she gave birth to. I knew her. I also saw the moment it hit her. The tiniest wobble of her chin. Anyone else might've missed it, but not me. Time apart didn't change the fact that I knew her better than anyone. I spent every moment together memorizing her body language.

So, yes, I knew the second it hit her. And I knew she needed my support now more than ever.

I lifted her up and settled her on my lap. When she buried her face in my neck, I knew I made the right decision. For this woman, I could lock my feelings away and stand by her side.

We sat in silence. No tears. No sniffling. I didn't demand answers she wasn't ready to give. Whatever emotions she was working through, I gave her the time to do so.

She would talk to me when she was ready.

Did it kill me to let her suffer in silence? Absolutely.

Did I know her well enough to know it was what she needed from me? Damn right I did.

No matter how badly I wanted to, I couldn't take this pain from her. I wasn't there when it had all gone down. I missed a crucial part of her life, and until she told me what support she wanted, I was acting on instinct alone. And my gut told me this was how I helped her for the time being.

I don't know how long we sat like that. I didn't glance at the clock or try to rush her. I relished the fact it was my support she sought out. She could've gone to Anita. Her teammate had been with her when everything went down. She could've wanted her here for this, but instead, she chose me. I wanted her to know she chose right.

"It is a little boy, and his name is Benjamin." Her whispered breath fanned across my neck.

I waited for her to continue. Suddenly, this was very real. We were no longer talking about a nameless baby I could brush off. He had a name and a life. One I was about to learn wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

SLOANE

I struggled to find words to describe what I read. To most, it would appear the baby I gave birth to lived a charmed life, but I knew better. He was walking the same path I did, and I wasn't sure how I felt about that.

Hayes didn't rush me. He didn't demand answers or for me to get on with it already.

He gave me the time to absorb and process. He held me while I worked out how the new information provided to me made me feel.

"The couple who adopted him are rich. Filthy actually. They have what I would consider a mini mansion outside of Minneapolis plus a beach house in the Hamptons and a Haussmann apartment in Paris. They travel extensively, but Benjamin is rarely with them. From what Hawk gathered, he has an au pair." I practically spat the words out. "He has weekly golf lessons with a pro coach, piano lessons with a former concert pianist, is working on two languages at the moment, and they've recently added fencing to his overpacked schedule. He's not even ten yet, Hayes, and already, the poor boy doesn't have a spare second to just be an ordinary kid."

My family wasn't nearly as rich as the one who adopted Benjamin, but I knew damn well what he was going through. To have every moment of his life planned out for him. To live on a schedule so tight that one minute over and everything would fall apart. Or at least, that's what my parents always said. Time was valuable. Time was money. And in that world, you didn't mess with a perfectly timed schedule.

"It's abuse but in a different way than what I knew growing up."

It killed me to hear Hayes say that. He was the first person to show me that abuse could come in all forms. I hadn't known there was such a thing as developmental neglect or more simply known as emotional abuse until Hayes came into my life. I thought “overscheduling” was normal. That every parent pushed excessive activities onto their child.

I later learned they were trying to live vicariously through me. They didn't want me to have autonomy. They expected me to become the perfect societal woman so I could marry into a higher class. Their riches weren't enough. They wanted more and were using me to do it.

Then I foiled their plans by getting raped. I was no longer the perfect virginal bride they raised me to be. I was no longer of use to them, so they threw me away like last week’s trash. Left me to deal with the fallout on my own.

My parents probably assumed I would fail. They likely thought I would come crawling back to them because they raised me to be dependent on the life they created for me. However, I proved them wrong. I built myself back up. I forged a new path. I showed myself I could live without their expectations and approval. I did that. And it would be a cold day in hell before I let my son be raised the same way.