Page 18 of Bless My Heart

“Same old, same old. Nothing crazy.” I hate that I can’t tell Ozzy what’s going on with Hazel and me. Ozzy and I have always been there for each other. I know he’d be able to help me get through this without becoming a total fucking mess. But I promised Hazel I wouldn’t tell anyone until the end of this semester, which seems like eons from now.

Ozzy has always kept to himself, so it’s not surprising to me that he goes straight up to his room once we get inside. I grab a beer and go sit out by the pool to chill.

The house is silent when I go back inside, which is expected since it’s the middle of the night. I quietly creep up the stairs and try my best not to make the wood creak, which is hard to do in an old house like this.

I gave myself the master bedroom when we moved into this house, so I have more space than everyone else and my own bathroom. Maybe I should have given this room to Stella when she moved in so she didn’t have to share a bathroom with Ozzy and Ezra, but I was selfish and didn’t feel like moving all my shit.

I strip out of my clothes and climb into my king-size bed. After some initial tossing and turning, I fall asleep, excited to wake up and get back to Hazel’s tomorrow.

The next morning, I wake up with the sun shining through my blinds. It’s finally the weekend. I roll out of bed without making it back up. It’s weird to make your bed when you’re just going to get back in it later. I think my mom would disown me if she knew that.

I piss, shower, and brush my teeth in that order before heading downstairs. Everyone is home, but no one seems to be up yet. I make pancakes, which will be easy to reheat when everyone decides to get up. But I should have known that the smell of pancakes would drag Dumb and Dumber, a.k.a. Ozzy and Ezra, downstairs.

Ezra comes down first. I swear he’s like a bloodhound when it comes to food.

He makes himself a cup of coffee, and I hand him a plate of pancakes covered in syrup.

“Hey, Wes. Can I ask you something?”

“Sure. What’s up?”

“What do you think of Celine?”

“Celine? As in Stella’s new friend?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t know. She seems nice. Why? You got a thing for her?”

“Yeah, I think so. I can’t stop thinking about her.”

“What happened to no girlfriends until after medical school?”

He rolls his eyes. “Shut it. Maybe I’m just talking about a hookup.”

“Yeah, right. If you can’t stop thinking about her, it’s way more than just a hookup.” He shakes his head at my response. “Talk to Stella. Have her find out what the deal is with Celine. Stella is chill. She’ll help you out.”

He nods his head but doesn’t say anything, just takes a giant bite of his breakfast. Ozzy walks in as I finish the second batch of pancakes.

“Thanks, Mom,” Ozzy says when I put his plate in front of him. I smack him on the back of the head, and he laughs. I make a few more pancakes in case Stella decides she wants some.

“Alright, fellas. I’m outta here,” I tell them as I grab a pancake sans syrup to eat on my way to Hazel’s.

“Where are you going?” Ozzy asks around a mouthful of pancakes.

“Got some stuff to do today.” He eyes me suspiciously. I never usually have anything to do on Saturdays, especially in the morning. He must sense I don’t want to talk about it because he doesn’t press me any more.

I grab my keys and head out to my Jeep.

On my drive to Hazel’s, I get nervous about seeing her. Am I coming on too strong? Should I have worn something better than my standard board shorts and white T-shirt? Should I have brushed my hair? This isn’t just some girl I’m trying to take to bed. I’m going to have a kid with this woman. A freaking baby.

I park in the same spot in front of her apartment building as last night. I look in my car mirror and run my fingers through my messy hair. I can’t bring myself to get out of my Jeep.

I’m panicking.

I can’t show Hazel that I’m freaking out like this. I reverse out of my spot and drive off. I don’t really know where I’m going or what my plan is, but I can’t knock on her door in this state of mind.

I see a Wal-Mart coming up and decide to stop in there and walk around for a bit. I need to cool off.