Page 65 of Out of Place

“Have a good night, sweetheart. Call me if you need me.” I nod, and he kisses my forehead before climbing in his truck. I wait for the loud rumble of the engine and watch him pull out of the drive before I go back inside.

“He seems nice,” Mom says as I sit next to Dottie so we can work on our puzzle.

“He is. He’s the best.”

She smiles at me like she might actually care. But then I remember she called me an embarrassment and wonder if her only daughter being with a farm hand just adds to my list of fuck ups.

“Do you feel like you’re ready to come home?” she asks.

I wasn’t quite expecting that question. Should I be allowed to come home? Yes. I’ve done what they asked me to. I worked hard. I was given responsibilities and proved myself by keeping them.

But am I ready to come home? That’s an entirely different question. I miss the city. So much. I miss my bedroom, that doesn’t look like the inside of an abandoned cabin. I miss going out to eat at places with more than burgers and fries on the menu. I miss Serena and all the time we spend together. I miss getting dressed up and going to events. I miss my life.

But I’m not sure if I want it back. It’s ok to miss something and not want it, right?

Underneath all of that, I know I don’t belong here. I’ve always been the outsider that the people in this town tolerate. Landon is the only one I truly care about, but he knew from the beginning that this wasn’t forever.

We both knew that. But that doesn’t stop the sinking feeling inside me right now.

Mom is looking at me, waiting for my answer. So, I give her the answer that makes sense. The answer that was always the plan. “Yes. I’m ready to come home.”

* * *

The next morning, I’m up early to do my morning jobs. My mom didn’t say when my time would officially be up at Underwood Farms, so I’m operating under business as usual. The only bad part is that Landon is off today, so I’m not sure when I’ll see him. It’s always easier to get up in the morning knowing I’ll get to see him.

Mom is waiting when I walk in with a basket of eggs mid-morning. Dottie takes them, and Mom asks me if I want to go on a walk with her.

It doesn’t seem like I really have a choice, so I nod, and we make our way down the back steps.

She looks out to the fields around us, smiling. “I used to love this farm when I was little.”

“Really? I thought you hated it.”

She shakes her head. “No. I loved it. I still do. I knew I didn’t want to live here for the rest of my life, but I loved the peacefulness of this place. I’ve seen some of the best sunsets of my life sitting on that porch swing.”

“Hmm.” I know exactly what she’s talking about, having experienced them for myself.

“You seem happy here,” she says.

It’s not really a question, but I answer it anyway. “Yeah, I guess I am. I hated it in the beginning, but it hasn’t been terrible. Well, ok, milking the cows is really gross, and the farm stench is everywhere, but everything else isn’t that bad.”

She laughs. “Are things serious with Landon?”

I shrug. “I don’t know. I like him a lot. But we both knew there was an end date on this.”

I can see her looking at me out of the corner of my eye, but I keep my eyes forward. My mother and I haven’t had a heart-to-heart in years, but she might be one of the few people who truly understands what I’m feeling right now. She’s had lives in Thundersville and New York and knew the draw of each.

“You’re ready to leave him?” she questions.

Absolutely not. The thought alone makes me sick to my stomach. I don’t know how I can go from seeing him every day to not seeing him at all. “I don’t really have a choice.”

“You do have a choice,” she says. “You could always stay.”

“Stay? And shovel shit for the rest of my life? No thanks.” Ok, the guys only made me do that once, but still.

“No. Dottie isn’t going to be around forever you know. She’ll need someone to take over when she retires, and she really wants to keep the farm in the family.”

I wait for her to continue, but she doesn’t. “And she wants me to take over? Why? Why not Rhett? Or you? Or some distant cousin I’ve never heard of?”