Page 67 of Out of Place

In an attempt to cheer her up, I ask, “What are you most excited about when you get back?”

She runs her fingers through my hair. I don’t typically wear hats at home, and I’ve found that Olivia really likes to play with my hair. I also know that I really like when she plays with my hair.

“I think I’m most excited to get a coffee from my favorite coffee shop,” she tells me.

I smile. Of course that’s her answer. “What? Were the coffees I brought you not good enough?”

She laughs. “They were good, but not as good as the real thing. A for effort, though.”

“Man, you’re a tough critic.” I grab one of her hands and bring it between us. “What about your nails? Are you excited to get your nails done again? You’ve been complaining about them since you got here.”

She playfully swats at me. “I have not been complaining.” She looks down thoughtfully at her fingers. “To be honest, I haven’t thought about it recently. But yes, I’ll probably get them redone. Serena will probably insist on it.”

She’s silent for a moment, just running her fingers through my hair. I close my eyes and listen to her breathing, trying to memorize everything about her. The way she touches me, the way she smells, the way she feels on my lap.

Finally, she says, “It’s going to be weird going back. I feel like a different version of myself. A better version.”

“That’s impossible. Every version of you is perfect. You might be different, but that doesn’t mean it’s better. It means you’re adapting. You’re changing. And you’ll continue to change and be different, but you’ll always be perfect, Olivia. Not one version of you is better than the other.”

She leans down and puts her forehead on mine. “You might be the only one who thinks that.”

“You should think it, too. Because as long as you believe it, that’s the only opinion that matters,” I tell her.

“God, Landon. I love you.”

And that’s the moment my heart stops. It’s a split-second pause, but it changes my life. Hearing the love of my life tell me that she loves me is fucking everything. I’ve been in love with her for months—maybe even from the moment I first saw her—but I didn’t tell her because I didn’t want to complicate things. She told me straight up that she would be leaving. Who am I to hold her back because of my feelings? Feelings always complicate everything. So, I kept it to myself. I showed her my love but never voiced it. And I thought I would be content with that.

But she said it. She said it first. She loves me.

I’d hoped she did. It felt like she did. And now I know it’s true. It’s bittersweet, really. She’s giving me her heart as a parting gift.

“I love you too, Olivia. So fucking much.”

She closes the distance between us and kisses me. It’s long and slow. Our mouths meld together as we sink into our newfound love. I carry her back to my bedroom, where I strip her down and make love to her while she blinks away the tears in her eyes. I know they’re not bad tears. They’re happy ‘in love’ tears mixed with sad ‘I can’t believe this is it’ tears. I get it because I’m feeling the same way right now.

I keep her with me all day. We shower together, bringing us right back to the bed, and order a pizza that we eat while sitting naked in bed. I ask her to stay the night with me tonight, which she’s never done. To my surprise, she agrees and texts her mom and Dottie to let them know.

After we finish another round, she’s lying on top of me, the side of her head pressed to my chest, and I can’t stop what comes out of my mouth.

“Stay,” I say, barely above a whisper. But it’s so quiet in here that I know she hears me.

“What?”

“Stay. Stay in Thundersville. Stay with me.” It’s selfish to ask. And I’m not expecting her to agree, but I have to shoot my shot. I’d kick myself if I didn’t at least try.

She kisses my chest before she pushes up to look me in the eye. “You know I can’t. I’ll never fit in here.” I think she fits in more than she thinks. My friends have accepted her. The girls all love her, including Ellie, which was weird at first, but we all got used to the new dynamic. My family loves her. When I’m in town without Olivia, people always stop and ask me how she’s doing. She’s become a part of this town whether or not she believes it. “And New York is my home. I was never meant to stay here.”

I sigh, nuzzling into her. “I know, sweetheart. I just needed to try.”

“You could come to New York,” she suggests.

I smile at her. “What would a guy like me do in New York City?”

She shrugs. “Be with me.”

I wish it was that simple. There’s no way I could live my life without working outside. I was raised to do hard work. And I love Underwood Farms. I can’t see ever leaving unless Ms. Dottie actually forces me out. I love it here as much as Olivia loves the city. “If you think you don’t belong here, then I definitely don’t belong up there.”

Her fingertips trace down my cheek. “I know. I just had to try.”