Page 70 of Out of Place

No, I’m not fucking alright. But I’m attempting to avoid the ‘I told you so’ lecture he’s dying to give me. Everyone said it, and I refused to listen.

She’s going to leave. She’s going to break your heart.

Well, it happened.

Not that I regret it.

Every moment I got to spend with Olivia was worth it. I wouldn’t change any of it, except maybe the leaving part. I’d definitely change that. I’d keep her right by my side forever. Make her Mrs. Bowen and have a houseful of kids who look and act like her because she’s my favorite person in the world.

It’s a pathetic dream I know will never come true, yet I can’t stop imagining it.

I sigh and finally tell Cam the truth. “Not really.”

He lets out an exasperated laugh. “Fucking finally. I thought you’d never admit that you’re falling apart.”

“It’s not really something I want to announce to the world.”

“We’re not the world,” Cam gestures between himself and Benny. “We’re your best friends.”

“I know, but I also know how you feel about Olivia. How you told me to be careful, and I. . .”

“You went and fell in love?” Benny finishes for me.

“Yeah,” I answer.

There’s a moment of silence before Cam asks, “Have you talked to her?”

I nod. “A few texts here and there.”

“I’m sorry, man. I really am. I’ve never been in love, but I can see how much it’s hurting you.”

I sit down on a bale of hay and shake my head. “Maybe you’ve had the right idea all along. If you never fall in love, you never get hurt.”

“Yeah, but you got to experience something not everyone does. The love you had with Olivia was special. We could all feel it between you two. It was kinda cool to watch it happen.”

Benny and I both look over at Cam, perplexed. “Cam, are you like a secret romantic or something?” I ask.

“Yeah, that sounded way too mushy to be coming from your mouth,” Benny adds.

“Shut the fuck up. I’m trying to be a good friend.” Cam rolls his eyes at us.

I laugh. “I appreciate it, Cam. Really. And I’m not ok right now, but I’ll get there. I just need some time. Thanks for bearing with me.”

“Of course, that’s what we’re here for. And we’re also here if you ever want to talk,” Benny says.

“Or, if you want us to get you really fucking drunk and take you to the strip club two towns over, we can do that too,” Cam offers.

That’s the last thing I want to do, but it doesn’t stop me from laughing. “Appreciate it, guys.”

* * *

Later that evening, I end up on my parents’ couch, watching a football game with Dad after finishing a bowl of chili. My phone lights up on the table, and I lift it to see who it is. When I don’t see Olivia’s name, I don’t bother reading the text.

My mom catches me.

“Lan, have you heard from her?”

I sigh. Everyone keeps asking me about her. Even one of the waitresses at the diner asked me about her the other day. I can’t escape her. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn’t want to escape her. But when I’m attempting to mend my broken heart, it makes it a little inconvenient, to say the least.