Page 51 of The Penalty

MCKENZIE

I’ve never felt a pain like this before.

When Matthew called to tell me our father was gone, I was hoping it was some sick joke. When I hung up, I felt my heart crack in two as I fell to the ground. My dad had a heart attack while driving home and crashed his truck into a light pole. He was gone before the paramedics got to him.

He was so young.

He had so much life to live.

It doesn’t make sense.

I don’t remember much after Matty’s call. I know Kylie held me and rocked me on the floor as I screamed and cried. I remember Tyler’s panicked face, his fingers cupping my cheek, trying to figure out what happened.

He carried me up to my room and left only once Kylie got in bed to hold me. The next day, I emailed all of my professors to explain that I would be out for several days, and I made the drive home to Aurora.

I told Kylie I was leaving so she wouldn’t worry, but Tyler had already left for work by the time I finally dragged myself out of bed. I didn’t tell him goodbye, but I’m sure Kylie will fill him in on the details.

The numbness overwhelms me on my drive back to my hometown. My face is swollen from crying all night, and I’m still expecting someone to call me and tell me they were wrong and my dad is actually safe and sound. That this was all one big misunderstanding.

That call never comes.

In the early afternoon, I pull into the driveway of my childhood home. All of my brother’s vehicles are here. It’s been a while since all of us have been back together, and I hate that it’s for this reason.

The tears start up again before I’ve even opened the front door. My mom and brothers are sitting at the kitchen table, the same table we all used to gather around for breakfast and dinner every day.

“Kenz,” my brother Oliver says. His voice sounds hoarse, and I can tell by their faces that they’ve all been crying.

My mom is the first to stand. She walks toward me and wraps me in a hug. Then, my brothers all follow suit until all six of us are squished in a hug. All we’re missing is our protector.

When we finally pull away from each other, Matt gives me the rundown of what will happen next. Funeral details and all that. He and Chris are handling everything so Mom doesn’t have to. I’m grateful for that. Mom looks like she’s barely hanging on. I can’t imagine losing the love of my life. My parents have been married for over thirty years and were best friends.

Over dinner, we all reminisce about our memories of Dad. We laugh and cry. It hurts like hell to talk about him, knowing we’ll never see him again. Never get to hear his laugh or get one of his hugs again.

It feels so unfair.

By the time we head to bed, I’m exhausted. My head is pounding, and my heart is aching. I can’t imagine ever feeling happy again.

I toss and turn in my childhood bed all night until I finally manage to cry myself to sleep.

The next few days pass in a blur. Neighbors stop by with food and flowers. Old family friends cry with us and tell us what a wonderful man my father was. It feels surreal, and most of the time, I’m not sure how I’m supposed to go on without him here. I’ll never get another text from him or a weekly check-in call on his drive home. I’ll never get another hug or sit on the couch and watch a game with him.

My professors are all understanding of my absence, and Angel gets all my shifts covered for me. I let Kylie know I made it home safely, but other than that, I don’t respond to anyone.

I have several texts from Tyler that I can’t even bring myself to read. Kylie has texted me a few times, along with some other friends from class, but I don’t read any of them. I’m not ready to talk to anyone.

On the day of the funeral, I feel like I’m just going through the motions. I wear a simple black dress, not bothering with makeup because I know it will be running down my face by the end of the day. Truthfully, I don’t think the strongest makeup could cover the dark circles under my eyes.

I’m surprised I still have any tears left at this point.

My family and I sit in the front row of the only church in town. The place is packed. That’s what happens in a small town. Everyone loved my dad. He was a fantastic human with a heart of gold. It was hard not to love him.

I force myself to look around the church to see all the friends and family who have come to mourn my father but also celebrate his life. Towards the middle, my eyes land on Kylie. She gives me a sad little wave. Next to her sits Tyler, his eyes already locked on me. My heart flutters at the sight of him, letting me know I’m still alive.

He nods his head in my direction, and I almost burst into tears again. They’re here. I didn’t ask them to come. I don’t think I even mentioned when or where the funeral would be. But they both made the drive to be here. For me.

It’s a tiny bit of joy in the dark hole that I’ve been living in.

The service is beautiful. Several people speak about my father, and as expected, I’m a mess by the end of it. Matty makes a beautiful speech, and I’m in awe of his strength to take over as the head of our family right now. I know Dad would be so proud of him.