Page 34 of The Fall

“Logan, you didn’t have to do that. I’m fine.”

I sigh. “I needed to be sure.” I think I’ll need to be sure every day for the rest of my life. I thought we were done the first time. I thought I’d be able to relax, but when the cancer came back, I realized that I’d never be able to relax. I’d never be able to not fear the worst.

My dad left when I was really young, so my mom is the only family I’ve ever had. I can’t lose her.

“Logan…” She can tell me over and over again that I don’t need to worry about her, but that doesn’t change the fact that I will.

“It was on the way. Max and Savannah are in the living room. We all rode in my car, so I’m gonna take them home and come right back.”

“Oh, they’re here? I’ll come say hello.” She stands from her bed, a little wobbly at first. “And you don’t have to come right back, you know that, right? You can go out. Enjoy your life. I want that for you.”

“I know. I am enjoying my life. I went on a great hike today.”

“What about a girlfriend?” she asks out of nowhere. Great. I came home to check on her, and now I’m the one getting questioned.

“It’s not top on my priority list,” I tell her… again because we’ve had this conversation several times.

“I think you should consider moving it up on your list.” She quickly brushes her hair in the mirror.

“I’ll take your thoughts into consideration.”

She lets out a quiet laugh because she knows that means I will not be moving it up on my list.

I follow behind her as she walks out of her room and out into the living room, where Max and Savannah are sitting on the couch. They both stand when they see her. One thing about my mother is that it doesn’t matter how sick she feels or how tired she is, she’s always up for entertaining. She’s a social person to her core. While I’m decent at talking to people, I don’t go out of my way to have conversations. My mom, on the other hand, will know every detail about the woman at the grocery store check-out lane before she even swipes her card. It’s a gift.

But I’ll be honest, I love seeing her face light up at the chance to talk to people. With her immune system being compromised, she doesn’t get to go out as much as she would like, so this little spur-of-the-moment gathering in our living room is a big deal for her.

“Max, Savannah, how are you?”

“Hi, Natalia. It’s great to see you again,” Savannah says first. She smiles as she hugs my mom, and it’s one of the few genuine smiles I’ve ever seen her give. It makes me feel… well, it just makes me feel.

“How was your hike this morning? Tell me all about it!” My mom sits down on the couch next to Savannah.

The three of them talk about where we went, how crowded it was, and what the view looked like from the top. All very normal conversations while I silently stew, figuring out what I’m going to tell them about why I had to come home so quickly. I haven’t told anyone about Mom’s cancer yet. Everyone who knows about it found out from my mom.

“Would you all like anything to drink? It seems my son has forgotten his manners.” I didn’t forget my manners, but it wasn’t a priority when I was racing into the house. I don’t say that, though.

“Oh, no, we’re fine, Natalia, but thank you,” Savannah tells her.

“I’m sorry that Logan made you stop here when it sounds like you were having such a wonderful day. I’m afraid that since my diagnosis, he gets worried at the smallest thing.” She throws around the word diagnosis like it’s nothing. She knows I haven’t told Max and Savannah, and now she’s put it out there so I’ll have to.

“Oh, it’s no problem. Really.” Savannah smiles, but her eyes flick to me. She heard it, Max heard it, and now there are going to be questions. Lots of questions that I didn’t want to have to answer yet.

“I should probably get you two home,” I say.

My mother gasps and clasps her hands at her chest. “You two should come over for dinner one night. This is my sister’s house, but she would love to meet you guys. We’ve both heard so much about you from Logan.”

“Dinner sounds great, Natalia. Thanks for the invitation.” I assumed Max would jump on the invitation, but it’s actually Savannah who responds.

“Good! I’ll let Logan know when a good night is.”

“Great. Now that that’s settled, let’s get you home,” I announce.

They hug my mom and follow me to the car. Neither one of them says a word. I expected a bunch of questions as soon as we were out of the house, not this awkward silence.

“She has cancer,” I finally say to break the silence.

“I’m sorry, man,” Max says from the back.