Page 58 of The Fall

I can’t help but wonder if he left because of me or because he actually had to. I don’t text him back. If he wants it to be like this, then fine. I’m certainly not going to chase a man.

TWENTY

LOGAN

I’m a coward.

I’ll admit it. I couldn’t stand watching Savannah on the ice, so I left. I waited for Tati to leave, and then I bolted. I left my skaters behind because I want Savannah so bad that it physically hurts me to look at her. I don’t know how this happened. I’m never like this.

As soon as I get home, I change and go for a run. I need to clear my head. I have to learn to want Savannah while knowing that I can’t have her. I need to stay focused, and more importantly, I need her to stay focused.

I run until my legs feel like they might collapse. Then I take a shower and go about my day pretending like I’m fine.

And I am fine. I manage to push her out of my thoughts until the next day, when I have to see her all over again, and every inappropriate thought comes flooding back to me.

Today is different, though. I can tell from the first moment she looks at me as if she’s trying to shoot daggers into my soul. Savannah is mad at me.

I pretend all day that I’m unbothered by her, which pisses her off even more. But it seems to work better for me. I manage to talk to her when I need to coach, Max shoots the shit with me at lunch, and I watch them skate all day long, thinking I’ve finally got myself under control.

But the moment Savannah shoots me a side-eyed glare when she gets off the ice, I know I’m a goner. I watch her walk to the locker room and wonder what I’m going to do. I’ve got to say something to her. We have to clear the air.

I’m propped up against a wall in front of the locker rooms to wait for her. Max walks out first as per usual.

“You good?” he asks.

“Yep. Just need to tell Savannah something.” No idea what, but I know I need to say something.

“Ah. Ok. Good luck with that. She’s been in a mood all day.”

Yeah. I know. “Thanks, man. Have a good night.”

I wait for a few more minutes, and finally, Savannah walks out. She spots me immediately and rolls her eyes. Why is that so hot?

“Skate with me?” I blurt out. I wasn’t planning on skating tonight, but maybe it’ll be easier if we’re on the ice.

“Are you asking or telling me?”

“Asking. Always.”

She studies me for a minute like she thinks I’m crazy. At this point, I’m starting to believe I truly am. I know the “right” thing to do would be to leave her alone and suffer in silence. I’m her coach. She has big goals. I should leave her alone.

But… fuck doing the right thing.

“Fine,” she says finally, though I can tell she’s not happy about it.

She turns around to drop her bags back in the locker room and grab her skates. I lace mine up and meet her at the ice.

I hold out my hand for her to take. She hesitates, but eventually she puts me out of my misery and grabs my hand. It’s late and most of the skaters are already gone for the day, so we have most of the rink to ourselves.

We start by simply skating together, holding hands as we loop around the rink. It feels so normal, so right to skate with her.

Eventually, we move into more of a random routine. She trusts me to hold her during the lifts, and I don’t take that responsibility lightly. We don’t do any big lifts, but it’s still a risk to lift someone when you haven’t practiced off the ice.

I don’t know how long we skate, but we come to a natural stop where we’re both out of breath in the middle of the rink. My hands rest on her waist, while hers are on my arms. It’s a normal embrace for skaters, but with her, it feels like so much more.

“Savannah…”

She looks up at me with her big green eyes, and for the first time since I’ve met her, she looks truly vulnerable. She always puts on a brave face, especially with me, but right now, with her in my arms, all I want to do is hold her close.