Page 30 of Crossed Lines

I’m about to stop her, but my daughter beats me to it. “Don’t leave yet!”

“Aw, you’re sweet, but you don’t need me here when your dad is home.”

“Yes, I do. We always need you, right, Daddy?” Jade says.

Both of them turn to look at me. “You should stay.”

She looks at me as if she’s trying to figure out if I’m saying that because it’s what Jade wants or if it’s because it’s what I want. The truth scares me more than I care to admit. Whatever she sees must satisfy her because she says, “Ok, I’ll stay.”

The three of us spend the rest of the afternoon together. We play a few board games before I convince them to play a few rounds of Mario Kart on the Nintendo Switch.

Then I decide to grill us steaks while the girls play dolls. We eat dinner together like a family. It feels very domesticated. I can’t help but like the way it feels. And I especially like that it’s Willow across the table from me. There’s something special about her. I know I pay her to watch Jade every day, but she does it in a way that I can tell she truly cares about Jade. She goes above and beyond to make Jade feel seen and is excited to spend the day with her. That means the world to me.

Willow is so excited about everything. She makes me feel more alive than I have in awhile. The way she takes the time to enjoy the little things. How she’s always up for anything Jade suggests. She’s so full of life, which reminds me that I used to be like that once. I’m starting to feel that way again, little by little, day by day. She’s pulling me out of my mundane routine and making me want more.

I like the way she looks at me, too. Like she’s happy to see me every single time. It’s crazy that such a simple thing can make me feel so wanted. It’s something I didn’t know I needed.

And goddamn, do I want her. No matter how hard I try, I can’t get her out of my head. She’s always there. And the worst part is that I like her being there. When I’m not near her, I’m wondering what she’s doing. I’m wondering if she’s thinking about me like I’m thinking about her.

After dinner, she helps me with the dishes before I run a bath for Jade. Once Jade is in the tub, I walk back into the living room to find Willow gathering her things.

“I should go. But I had fun today. Thanks for letting me hang out with you two.”

Don’t go is what I want to say, but instead, I go with, “Yeah, of course. I know Jade had fun… and I did too.”

She smiles and nods. As she moves past me to get to the door, I stop her by wrapping my arm around her waist. She freezes, looking down at where my arm is connecting with her body and then looks up at me.

“I—” I don’t know what I’m trying to say. There’s nothing to say. If I say what’s on my mind, it’ll ruin everything. Why can’t I stop feeling this way for her?

Her eyes flick to my lips quickly before meeting my eyes again. I lean in just barely, but it’s enough to feel her breath hitch from my closeness. The side of my nose grazes hers.

Just an inch. That’s all it would take for our lips to connect. My heart is racing in my chest, and I wonder if hers is too.

“Beck,” she says, barely above a whisper. I turn my face just slightly. I could do it. I could kiss her right now.

I almost give in. I almost close the gap and finally feel her lips. But all of a sudden, I hear, “Daddy! Are you coming back?”

I exhale and take a step away from Willow. “Yes, Jadey. I’m coming.”

“I should go,” Willow says softly, making me feel like complete shit.

“Willow. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize, Beck. I understand,” she says. Does she understand? Because I’m not even sure I do. I keep leading her on and then don’t follow through. If I were in her position, I’d be pissed.

“I’ll see you in the morning?” she asks.

“Yeah, see you then.”

And then she walks out, leaving my house feeling empty again.

CHAPTER 13

Willow

JULY

The month of June flew by. I can’t believe how quickly the days passed. I also couldn’t believe how quickly my bank account grew. By July first, I already had half of my goal for my study abroad and sent over a partial payment to the school the day that Macy arrived in town for her visit.