Page 38 of Crossed Lines

Once I have that in hand, we start walking through the town square. Sawyer has already abandoned us, which I expected he would. I know he has a whole life in town and doesn’t need his little sister and her friend hanging around him all the time.

I’m kind of glad he left us alone because it will make it easier to be on the lookout for Beck. I wanted to text him this morning, but I wasn’t sure if I should.

I can still feel his calloused hands running along my body. The way he gripped my waist and then my breast. I don’t think I’ve ever been more turned on in my entire life. But then something spooked him, and he looked at me like he was terrified of what he’d done.

I was frustrated, both emotionally and sexually, when I went back into the bar without him. I was angry that he was jealous but wouldn’t do anything about it and reacted childishly by laying it on thick with Ace. But I was only doing it to piss off Beck. I wanted to see if he’d do anything. Unfortunately for me, he didn’t. So now I’m an asshole for putting myself through that all night and leading Ace on when I have no intention of taking anything further with him.

I felt especially terrible about it when I woke up this morning and saw a text from Ace but nothing from Beck. Although Beck was pretty out of it last night, so I imagine he passed out hard when he got home.

“Do you think you’ll see lover boy today?” Macy asks.

She doesn’t have to specify. We both know who she’s talking about. “He said he’d be here.” I look around but don’t spot Jade or Beck’s signature baseball hat. I shrug it off, pretending like I don’t care either way. “I’m sure I’ll see him if I see him.”

I only have a short time with my friend this summer, and I don’t want to spend any more time obsessing over a man who wants me but refuses to do anything about it.

“Let’s play some games.” I lead her in the direction of the carnival-style booths. We play ring toss and a dart game, which we’re both terrible at. We’re headed to the next booth when I hear my name.

I look over and see Jade about to jump out of her seat at the face painting station trying to get my attention. I laugh and head in her direction. “Girl, you gotta sit down, or you’re going to mess up your face paint.”

“I wanted you to see me,” she says, settling down into her seat.

“Oh, I see you.” I look over to see Beck smiling at us. “Beck, good to see you alive and well today.”

He bumps his shoulder into mine and mumbles, “Shut up.”

Jade finishes getting the butterfly on her face before the four of us grab popsicles to cool down. I can already feel the sweat dripping down my back. Then we head to the playground area so she can play for a bit. Jade sees a few kids from her school and runs off to the slides. Macy excuses herself to the restroom, leaving Beck and me alone.

At first, it’s awkward, and we don’t say anything to each other. I’m not sure what to say. Do we do small talk? Pretend like he didn’t feel me up last night? Or do we address the elephant in the room?

Thankfully, Beck breaks the silence for us. “How are you feeling today?”

I look over at him and instantly know he’s just as confused as I am. “How do you want me to answer that?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you want me to be honest, or do you want me to tell you what I think you want to hear?” I ask.

“Honesty always, Wills.”

I sigh. “I don’t know, Beck. I’m confused, I guess. You look at me like you want me. You touch me like you want me. But then you won’t do anything about it. I’m trying to respect your decision, but it sucks.”

“You’re leaving next month, Willow. Who knows when you’ll be back. It doesn’t make sense to ruin what we have or what Sawyer and I have for one month.”

“What if I wasn’t leaving? Would that make any difference?” I ask, knowing that not leaving isn’t an option. But I’m curious to know if he would change his mind if that were the case.

“I don’t know, Willow. I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m scared. You’re so young. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you. I’m in an entirely different place in my life. Even if I did take this further temporarily, I have to think about how it would affect Jade, too.”

I swallow and nod. “I know.”

“But that doesn’t make this any easier. Seeing Ace touch you. Seeing you touch him. I wanted to scratch my eyes out. I want you, Willow. I want every single part of you, but I can’t have you. I know that, and I think you do, too.”

I hate to admit that he’s right. Reasonably, I know he is. But the more immature part of me is fighting with the lust, and all I want is him. He’s all I think about. Sometimes I wonder if I could scratch that itch just once; then maybe I would be ok knowing I had him to myself, if only for a moment.

“Well, it still sucks.” Not my most profound statement, but it’s how I feel right now. “It’s not fair.”

“I wish things were different, Willow. You have no idea. But they aren’t. There’s too much at stake.”

I wish things were different, too. That he was younger or I was older, or maybe that he wasn’t best friends with my brother and just a random man I met. That way, he’d be mine, and we wouldn’t have this question of “how would Sawyer react?” hanging over us.