Page 76 of Crossed Lines

My heart sank when Beck told me how upset Sawyer was. I knew he would be. That’s Sawyer’s nature. He’s always been protective over me. But I guess maybe I’d hoped that he would be happy I fell in love with Beck and not some random guy who would probably break my heart in a couple of years anyway. Sawyer knows Beck. He trusts him. It shouldn’t be an issue beyond the initial shock of our age difference.

Maybe Sawyer is taking some time to process it because I haven’t heard from him at all. Not a text, no call, not even a heart on my social media story from last night. Maybe he knows he overreacted, or maybe he’s waiting for the right moment to call me and chew me out.

Either way, I’m expecting something from him. So, I’m not surprised when my phone rings late afternoon and his picture pops up. I answer it hoping that he’ll be open-minded and willing to hear me out.

“Hey, Sawyer.” I figure it’s best to pretend like I don’t know what’s going on. Honestly, I have no idea what the best approach is, so I’m just going to let him lead.

“Willow.” Ok, yeah, he’s still mad.

“Is everything ok?” I ask.

“I don’t know. Why don’t you tell me?”

I don’t answer immediately. I’m not sure if he’s looking for me to confirm what Beck told him or to tell him it’s not true. “What do you mean?”

“I had an interesting conversation with Beck last night,” he says.

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah. Care to explain to me what the hell you’re thinking?”

Ok, I guess we’re going to dive right in. “I-I love him, Sawyer.”

“Are you kidding me, Willow? He’s twelve years older than you. Is this some childhood fantasy you’ve had that you’re trying to play out or something?”

“What? No. Of course not.” I’m offended he would even ask that.

“Really, because I remember the way you used to look at him.”

“Ok, that’s not fair. Yeah, obviously I thought he was attractive, but it was nothing more than that until this summer.”

“Did he…” He trails off as if he’s hesitant to ask the rest of the question.

“Did he what?”

“Did he force himself on you?”

“Oh my god, Sawyer, no! If anything, it was me that came on to him. He kept a firm line between us.”

“He’s an adult, Willow. He obviously didn’t try hard enough.”

“I’m an adult too.”

He scoffs. “Barely.”

“Maybe, but I’m still an adult. I still understand that my actions have consequences and I also know how I feel.”

“Do you understand the consequences of your actions? He has a kid, Willow. What are you gonna do, jump in and play mommy?”

“No, I’m not, although I do love Jade. Beck and I aren’t rushing into anything. He didn’t want to. He wants me to enjoy my semester abroad. Which I am. And he wants me to finish school and find the job that I want before we make any big decisions. We’re not together as much as I wish that weren’t the case. He’s looking out for me as well as Jade. But when the time comes, Sawyer, you need to know that I will choose Beck. You need to come to terms with the fact that once I’m home, Beck and I will be together.”

“You don’t even like Blue Haven and now you’re coming home for him?” he asks.

“The time away did me some good. Coming home made me realize that it’s not so bad. I’m allowed to change my mind.”

“This is fucked up, Willow.”

I sigh. “I’m sorry you see it like that.”