Page 27 of Emil

Anders blinked, then nodded, a soft sound of agreement leaving him like the decision had settled something inside his chest.

In only a few moments, a basket of sourdough was placed on the table. Anders, true to form, buttered the bread and slid it onto my plate. When our appetizer arrived, he unwrapped my silverware, laid out my utensils, and handed me my napkin. Following his usual pattern, he waited until I began eating before taking his first bite.

The chowder was delicious, but watching Anders enjoy it was even more so. He savored each bite, and his almost imperceptible moans of pleasure sent my nerves on a collision course with my brain. I forced myself to concentrate on the scenery outside because if I spent too much time studying Anders, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to keep myself composed. I felt his knee brush mine under the table, and he didn’t move away.

When our main dishes arrived, Anders repeated the process of making sure my food was arranged correctly for me before turning to his own.

“How’s the risotto?” I asked.

“It’s amazing, but that doesn’t seem like a good enough description. Would you like to try a bite?” he asked shyly.

“Yes, please.”

Anders scooped up a bite and held the fork out across the table. Maybe he didn’t intend to feed it to me, but taking it from his hand felt more awkward. Unintentionally, our eyes locked while I took the bite, and I felt the spark of awareness between us. Anders immediately dropped his gaze to his lap. That was unfortunate because he had pretty blue eyes flecked with deeper blue, like an endless ocean.

“C’mere, I’ll share my steak.”

He obediently took the food from my fork. A blush stained his cheeks, which was adorable on such a big man. He smiled after swallowing and agreed it was delicious. I cut a few more pieces and set them on the edge of his risotto plate. His shy thank you was worth giving up a little of my dinner.

Our dinners were finished, the plates stacked and ready for removal, when Anders cleared his throat a few times. He took a deep breath, then blurted, “There’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Of course. Go ahead.” I put down my fork and gave him my full attention. I could tell he was uncomfortable, but he straightened his shoulders and sat a little taller in his chair.

“I need to feel more useful.”

“Useful?”

“Yes. You’ve been incredibly generous, letting me stay out here, and I appreciate that you keep extending the project.”

“I’m not extending the project,” I said. “The project is being extended because there’s more to do, but go on.”

“I need to feel helpful, and I can do more to earn my keep.” Anders leaned back in his chair, his eyes dropping to his lap again.

“There’s no obligation created by you staying in the cottage. It’s part of the job I’m paying you to do.” The words came out easily enough, but I wasn’t entirely convinced by them. Something about the way Anders talked about what he needed tugged at me, making me want to lean in instead of back. It wasn’t just professional, and I knew that, even if I didn’t know what it was instead.

He did this kind of care naturally, without asking for permission, without keeping score. Wanting him to be settled, to be okay, had crept up on me somewhere along the way. I couldn’t have said when it happened. I only knew that he needed this, and whatever line I was supposed to be guarding didn’t feel as solid as it probably should have.

“And I appreciate that,” he said softly. “I just… I need to feel useful.” The repetition of his phrasing caused me to sit up and take notice. This wasn’t about who took out the office trash.

“What would that look like for you?”

“I could do more around the house. Like, um, I could cook or clean, make sure everything’s in order. I’m pretty fantastic at ironing a suit.” The hopeful tone in his voice was unmistakable, and I knew without question that if I shut him down now, he’d never open up like this again. “Make sure your shoes are properly polished.” Ouch. I never got around to doing it myself, and the fact that he’d noticed made me feel like a slob.

“I don’t want you to feel like I’m taking advantage of you.”

“Right now, I feel like I’m taking advantage of you.”

“You’re absolutely not. You’re earning your keep, and you don’t need to do more. You’re doing the job I hired you to do, and you do it fantastically.” Anders nodded at that, and I decided to go all in. “But you need this on a personal level, don’t you?”

“I do,” he said quietly. “I really do.”

“Then you be as helpful as you need to be.” All the tension melted from Anders at my agreement. I didn’t have the first clue about what exactly he was asking me for, but I was going to figure it out.

“Sorry to interrupt,” the server said with a polite clearing of his throat. “I forgot to confirm earlier, the check is together, right?”

“Yeah, it’s together,” I answered before Anders had a chance to contradict me. “We’re together.”

“Did you always know you wanted to live here?”