Page 64 of Emil

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” Emil asked.

He reached across the table and laced our fingers together, right there in the middle of the park. No one was close enough to notice, just a few kids on the playground and their parents nearby. I felt the claim anyway.

“Lacey told me people really bought into what John said about me,” I admitted. “And yeah, maybe I’ll be cleared, but that doesn’t erase how they see me now.” My voice stayed steady until it didn’t. The tightness in my throat made it hard to swallow.

“You don’t have to stay at McIntyre,” Emil said. “You could move to another division.”

“I’m not sure I want to stay in the same job at all,” I said quietly. “Maybe this is a chance to think about something else.”

Emil didn’t jump in. He didn’t reassure or redirect or solve it for me. He just let the idea sit between us.

And somehow, that meant more than anything he could’ve said.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

ANDERS

“You made it. I so happy you here,” Jakob shouted when I stepped through the doorway of his and Reed’s house. He launched into a full number that involved twirling, several jumps, and a butt shimmy.

Emil stood at my shoulder, just close enough that I could feel the heat from his body on the chilly, overcast afternoon. The weather matched my mood.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” I answered sincerely. Whatever unease I felt, and it was a boatload full, it wasn’t about celebrating happy-dancing Jakob’s birthday.

And then it hit me.

Oh shit.

Jakob was wearing a onesie, a pacifier clipped to his collar, and he was obviously in a diaper. Of course he would be in little mode. It was his birthday. He was surrounded by friends who were also littles, all of them with their Daddies.

And then there was me.

Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit.

“Hi, Emil,” he said, giving a little wave.

Emil waved back just as easily, but my eyes snapped to his face. He looked vexed.

Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.

I can’t believe I forgot to tell him it was a little party.

“Hey, Jakob, can you give us a second?” I said quickly. “I’ll be right in there, okay? Oh—here’s your present.”

I shoved the wrapped box into his hands to distract him. He happily skipped away, the sound of laughter and boys pulling him down the hallway.

Dread washed over me.

Way to fucking go, Anders.

“You okay?” Emil asked, pulling me close and wrapping an arm around my shoulders. He pressed the back of his hand lightly to my cheek. “You don’t feel warm, but you look flushed.”

“Yeah, I’m not sick,” I said. “I just…forgot to tell you something about the party.”

“Is it that Jakob’s a little?”

I froze. “You know about littles?”

“They’re not leprechauns,” Emil said dryly. “I haven’t been around them, but I’m familiar with the concept. I’m a gay man, and I don’t live under a rock.”