Page 11 of AJ’s Fire

“Nah. I think Jackson needs to find his own date. And AJ, you and me, we need to support him in that,” she said pointedly.

“Okay? Okay, yeah, of course. I always support Jackson. Bro code and all that.”

“Bro code?”

“It’s just this stupid thing about how we help each other out, you know, at the bars and stuff, but really we say it for other stuff too. Of course, I support Jackson if he doesn’t want to date your cousin. We’ll find a third.”

“Hey, AJ?” Emily caught me looking back toward the bathrooms again.

“Yeah?”

Point-blank, she came out and asked, “Do you want to hook up with me? Tonight?”

That got my attention. “I, um?” It only took a moment of thought. “I appreciate the offer, but I'm worried about Jackson, and I think, maybe, we should hang out here? With him.”

“Bro code?”

“Bro code.” I nodded in agreement. Almost as an afterthought, I added, “Pease don’t misunderstand me. I very much look forward to getting to know you. You’re Jackson’s best friend and all. But yeah, I think tonight needs to be about Jax.”

She nodded curtly and smiled a Hollywood smile, bright and brilliant and maybe not entirely sincere. “Good answer!”

Chapter Four

Jackson

It had been my fucking brilliant plan. Introduce Emily to AJ. She wanted to meet a hot firefighter, and AJ was a hot firefighter. Thinking about AJ hooking up hadn’t stopped my crazy thoughts about men and friendship and true love, but maybe seeing AJ with Emily would be the reminder I needed that no matter what I was experiencing, my best friend remained aggressively straight.

I hadn’t explored my sexuality at all since the revelation that had started on New Year’s Eve and had slapped me in the face over drinks with Emily a few months later. My newly discovered sexuality was all tied into my feelings for AJ, and I had to shake those feelings so that I could move on, explore, maybe even respond to someone on one of the apps I kept adding and deleting from my phone.

That night at the bar I had a gay hookup app installed and had included a picture of my abs, with just a peak of my firefighter overalls in the shot. My fucking phone had lit up with matches.

“I’m going to delete this fucking thing,” I said to Emily on the way to Lucy's Taphouse.

“No, you're not,” she insisted. “Do I need to remind you”—she grabbed the phone—“that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.” She began to scroll. “Ooh, a penis!”

“Ems!” I looked around the sidewalk, but no one was paying any attention to us. “Fine, I won’t delete it, but give me back my phone!”

“I want to go on record one more time as saying this is a stupid idea.”

“You just said not to delete Guys4Guys.”

“I’m not talking about dating apps, and you know it. I know it’s hard to get over your crush on your best friend but throwing me at him is not the answer. I’m only doing this because I finally get to meet him, and you’ve been miserable without him, and I want to understand and help you move on.”

“Please try with AJ.” My voice was exasperated and desperate, and I wasn’t even really sure what I was asking of Emily.

“Try what, to fall in love with him? To fuck him? Jackson, you have to see how messy either of those options would be. I will try to get to know him because he’s important to you. Because he’s your friend, and so am I.”

I still attempted to set them up, convinced it was what I needed to move on. Not a good motive, for sure, but I was desperate. I had looked up every article the internet had on falling for your best friend, and let me tell you, the internet is a fucking romantic place. It was either “be honest and hope for the best,” or “cut them out of your life and move on so you can find your perfect person.” I couldn’t see either happening in my case. I didn’t want either to happen. I would have to come out to AJ someday, wanted to, even, but he didn’t need to know about my feelings. He was straight; it was immaterial. But he was also my best friend, and I didn’t want to lose him. I was there that evening because I missed him so fucking much. I needed my best friend back, and I needed to figure out how to be around him.

Emily had been emphatic that it would be messy for her to get involved with AJ, so I was surprised when I came back from deleting Guys4Guys, for like the fifth time since the summer, to discover that AJ and Emily had made a date for New Year’s Eve.

“And AJ’s gonna find a friend for Ruth, so you’re on your own to find someone.” Emily glared at me.

AJ registered my confused, deer-in-the-headlights look and misread it. “Unless you want to go out with Ruth. Emily seemed to think …”

“No, Ruth and I go way back. Ems is right. We should find her a date.”

“Hey! I can ask my brother. It can be like a new tradition, spending New Year’s Eve with Jamie.”