Page 54 of AJ’s Fire

I shook my head at him, laughing again. “Hardly noticed.”

We got out and rushed around to clear up the evidence of our little tryst, chatting as we started a wash and straightened up the room.

“Hey, I promised Jamie I’d stay for pizza and movie night. Will you stick around? Maybe meet the new roommate?” AJ asked.

Without thinking, and before I really understood why, I blurted out, “No!”

AJ lifted his head from where he was pulling plastic out from the corner of the mattress, looking surprised.

“Sorry, yeah. No?” I said again.

“Jackson …”

“I just …” Needed a second to think. We stood at our opposite corners of the bed, and he waited patiently, giving me my moment. “I just think I’d be too obvious. Around your brother?”

“Jackson …”

“And I’m not ready, AJ. I’m just not ready.”

“Do I have to make you take your shirt off again?” He sat on the bed. “Talk to me.”

“When I’m with you, AJ, this whole year, I’ve had to take a part of how I’m feeling …” A big, humongous, life-changing part, I thought to myself but did not add. I let out a frustrated grunt, unsure how to explain and afraid of saying too much. I dropped down next to him.

“Okay, picture a box. Merrick handed me a box last New Year’s Eve, and I opened it up and let this … this little queer stick figure out. Can we say queer?”

“I think so.”

I held my hand, palm up, toward him and with the other created stick-figure Jackson, who danced around like some seventies diva. I thrusted my dancing hands toward AJ, humming a disco tune. “I didn’t know what to do with him. But when I let him out, he saw things, and thought things, and wanted things, and I don’t know how he could look at you tonight without his eyes bulging out and dropping to the floor right next to his tongue.”

“You’ve got a lot of metaphors and images going on there, buddy. Also, I think we queer dudes use a closet, not a box.” I laughed at his joke, trying to appreciate the levity he was going for.

“We have so much to learn.”

“So much …” he agreed.

We were quiet, and I just knew he was thinking the same as me—about all the things we could learn about each other's bodies. One glance at his glazed-over eyes was proof of that. I pointed a finger at him.

“See! That. Right there. Jamie is a therapist, for God’s sake. Not to mention he’s your brother. He’ll know in two seconds! Can’t we … I need this to be just us. For a little while, while I sort myself out. Please?”

“Jax, yes. I told you we’ll go at your pace. I’m not happy about the thought that we can’t hang out. But we’ll get there. You’re gonna miss Vinny’s pizza and cartoon princesses, though.”

“Oh, man. The only thing better than Vinny’s is watching Jamie when he doesn’t realize he’s singing along to Vera’s movies!”

“Right? I’ll send you a video. I know how you love that song.”

“I do not …” AJ’s glare stopped me from lying. “Okay, yeah. I do love that song. We should have known I wasn’t straight a long time ago!”

Chapter Seventeen

AJ

All I had wanted was my friend back. Ironically, I had gotten so much more since I’d knocked on the door of his grandparents’ cabin, but when I’d suggested we hang out with my brother and his daughter, something we had done a million times before, Jackson freaked out and took off on me.

I sat on the couch, and it was like the day hadn't happened. I was staring at a bunch of talking heads on the TV screen, debating some recent comment the president had made. I tried to clear my mind from thoughts of Jax by ranking the hotness of the people on the screen. It was really disconcerting that the president was still on the top of the list. How had I never noticed him before? All of a sudden, I really regretted not accepting an invitation from my stepmother years before to attend an event at Hampstead University, where I could have met the man.

While I was busy rating everyone on their attractiveness, all I could really think about was Jackson, and it solidified for me that my feelings for him were so much more important than my newfound discoveries about men. I’d been out with more women than I could count over the years, but I’d never once felt connected to anyone, emotionally or physically, the way I felt about Jackson.

My eyes took in the few pictures hanging on the living room wall. The focal point was a photo from my brother’s wedding. Jamie and Anna had had their ups and downs, but I never for a second doubted my brother’s love for Anna or hers for him.