Page 58 of AJ’s Fire

Then it was gone, and all I got out of him was a soft smile.

“You hungry, Jax?”

“I could eat.”

“Go grab our seats. I’ll bring you a bowl.”

“Thanks, man,” he muttered, but then as if he’d turned on a light switch, he was all jovial frivolity as he entered the lounge. “Hey, do we know who cooked the stew? Because Jenna is the Darren of their shift, and that might be the reason there are leftovers. My phone is at the ready if we need to order pizza.”

I played along from the kitchen. “Smells fucking good in here. You go ahead and order pizza; just means more stew for me.”

Unless there was a call, there was less to do when we worked nights, so the lounge was full when I entered. The thing was, even when the lounge was full, everyone knew that Jackson would be holding a seat for his best buddy, so there was just enough room for me to share the couch between Jackson and Freeda.

“For you, Probie.” I bowed awkwardly before handing Jackson his bowl, our fingers brushing as he sat up and drew it carefully to himself. He inhaled a deep breath, taking in the food but maybe centering himself as well. He commented as I sat next to him, “Definitely not Jenna’s work, then.”

I got situated, heavy boots on the coffee table between Freeda and Jackson, and took a bite. “Definitely not,” I muttered, my mouth full. When Jackson shared a small smile with me, it was like night turning to day all around me. How did the whole world not know how I was feeling? How was I ever going to hide it? I had practically wanted to shout it out to Nat after one innocuous phone call.

Freeda brought me back to reality. “I actually want to watch this fucking movie, so if you two are going to be talking about your conquests all night, you can fuck on off somewhere.”

Jackson leaned over me to look at Freeda quizzically as I responded, “We were talking about the stew. I can go and get you some if you’d like. Wouldn’t want you to miss the opening scenes.”

“Nah, my wife traveled in with me, and we had Vinny’s right before shift. I’m good. And I know you’re talking about dinner now. But I also fucking know the two of you, and all you ever talk about is pu …”

“That’s not all we talk about!” I knew the lieutenant was joking with us, it’s what we always did, especially during downtime at the start of a long shift. But I felt this strong desire to let her know that my relationship with Jackson ran deeper than she was giving us credit for. Part of me knew it was exactly what Jackson was nervous about, but a part of me couldn’t help it.

They were glaring at me from both sides, and I had never been more thankful for a stupid slasher movie to begin.

And yeah, the movie was terrible and not my cup of tea, but what made it the longest shift ever was my awareness of Jackson the entire time. Even in the bunks overnight, I fucking dreamed about him. Stupid shit drifted in my mind like clouds. The two of us watching a movie, us eating pizza, us dressed in tuxedos, holding hands while our families beamed. That’s the image that woke me up so fast I bolted upright and almost hit my head on the bunk bed above me. You’d have thought I’d had some slasher-movie nightmare, not the most peaceful, romantic, meandering dream ever.

I stormed out of the sleeping quarters and directly into the gym. You can be sure I heard about it from the crew the next morning.

“That movie too intense for you, Gordon? You can pick the cartoon we watch next.”

As I pushed my legs to the limit I grunted out, “What happened to Julia Roberts?”

Jackson avoided me most of the day, which seemed to me to make it just as obvious that something was up as it would have been if I’d chased him around with hearts in my eyes, but I made sure we arrived at our lockers at the same time when the shift ended twenty-four hours after we’d arrived.

“You guys have big plans tonight?” Darren asked, and poor Jackson looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

“Nah, we’re still recovering from New Year’s Eve. Plans later in the week, though,” I added, looking at Jackson as I said what I figured he'd want me to. “Couple girls that Jackson knows.” I hated the innuendo in my voice. “Do you and Merrick want to join us?”

“No, thank you. Bro-dude beers while watching you two hit on women is not my idea of a fun night out.”

“Speak for yourself,” I retorted.

Jackson was already heading for the exit, and I rushed to catch up, giving Darren a quick wave.

“I already called in an order to the Chinese place on your block. We can grab it on our way. We walking, or do you want to grab a ride?”

“Let’s walk,” Jackson grunted, and that was the extent of the conversation until we reached his condo.

Chapter Eighteen

Jackson

I was confused about every fucking thing except for one. I wanted AJ with a burning desire I didn’t even know was possible. He’d been so great about saying we should be open and honest and take things slowly. He’d been understanding about my not wanting to tell anyone, and he’d been his usual goofy, wonderful self while I’d stomped around the fire station like some moody teenager.

I felt like a horny teenager as well, and when we got to my apartment, I held the door open for him and thought about grabbing his arm as he dumped his backpack unceremoniously in the entryway and walked past me into the living room. I refrained, kicking my boots off by the front door, then peeling off my coat and tossing it on a chair in the living room. AJ, carryout bags in hand, paid no attention to the man on fire with desire next to him, walking with purpose to my kitchen.