Page 67 of AJ’s Fire

“Let me finish.” He sat on the table again and held my hands. “It was so overwhelming, what you said the other night. Part of me, a really big part of me, still can’t believe it.” He let go of one hand to wave his between us. “Any of this,” he whispered.

“I mean, you were straight. Like president of the Straight Dudes of America straight.”

“We could have founded that association together, bro.” I squeezed his hands.

He ignored my comment and continued. “How could you possibly be offering me everything I wanted after such a short time. How can you possibly know?” I let the question hang, wanting to make sure he’d said his piece. We were silent for a minute, both of us watching our interlocked hands.

“My turn?” He nodded and smiled, his eyes sparkling like amber and green diamonds. “I know,” I began, “because it hasn’t been a short time; it's been years. Years where we’ve spent all our time together, either in person or on the phone or texting. I don’t remember a day over the past five years that you weren’t a part of. Even when you tried to pull away from me, we still saw each other practically every day. What could be more logical than falling in love with your best friend? It’s the natural progression.

“And maybe I didn’t know or realize about my attraction to you,” I continued as I leaned toward him and held his hands more tightly. “But I fucking know it now, cariño, and I can assure you, you’re all I want. I’m on fire every time I’m near you.” It was my turn to remove one of my hands. I tightened a fist and tapped my stomach. “I burn for you, in here.”

I caressed his cheek. “I want to take you apart and put you back together, and I want you to do the same to me. All. The. Time. But mostly, I just want you in my life. Happy, and satisfied, and part of my life. Can't we figure this out, Jax?”

“I want that too,” he confessed. I leaned in and kissed him then, and it was soft and hesitant on both of our parts. We’d made a promise, but we hadn’t really solved anything.

I pulled back. “You’re still not ready, are you?”

He smiled softly and thought about it. “My parents are traveling. They’ll be back for Easter. Can we … Do you think we can take these next few months to ease into it? We’re gonna get such shit at the station, and your family can be overwhelming.”

“That’s all certainly true. I told you we’d go at your speed, and as long as we keep talking, and we’re on the same page, that’s what I intend to do.”

Shortly after that evening, I had drinks with Jamie. I stayed true to my word to Jackson and didn’t come out to my brother even though, in a shocking coincidence, he came out to me. It turned out he was having some kind of fling with our little brother’s best friend. Dealing with that major news made it easier for me to keep my news quiet. Jamie was always at the ready to help someone else, but my brother really needed me, the only person he’d told, to be there for him. My shit could wait.

Work was torture, trying to act like we always had. It was like I couldn’t even remember those two guys. I wanted to be touching him all the time. I could barely be in the locker room with him. Thankfully, it didn’t affect our actual work, where we were still as in sync as ever on calls.

We both participated in the Family Fun Day fundraiser, and I was thrilled that Jamie, Ruth, and Emily were part of the committee as well. Between that and Thursday afternoon dance lessons with Vera, it meant that Jackson and I had some time out in the world with other people.

But other than that, we spent most of our time holed up at Jackson’s condo. Without any conversation between us, I basically moved into Jackson’s apartment, where we spent as much time as we had available learning everything there was about each other’s bodies. I marveled at the thought of being with someone long enough to know what they liked. I’d learned how to take it slow and easy and drive him crazy, and I learned how to go fast and dirty. We practiced blow jobs like there was going to be an exam and went through lube like we were filling the bathtub with it.

A few days before Family Fun Day, we were at the station, lounging on the couch, staring blankly at the TV. A commercial came on that had been on the night before, when I was on my knees in front of Jackson. We looked at each other, neither of us able to hide the fire as we remembered. I turned back to the TV, but from the corner of my eye, I could see Jackson flexing his hips, a move I knew meant he was trying to adjust himself. For about the millionth time over the prior months, I conducted a head count of our team, wondering where everyone was and if the locker room or one of the individual guest bathrooms might be free for us to sneak into.

I was about to get up and head to the bathroom, just to, you know, maybe scope it out, when Darren came in with a bunch of reusable bags hanging off his arms. “I ran over to the convenience store, and look what I found!” He sounded excited as he dumped the contents of his bags on the table in front of us. An explosion of pastel colors and sickeningly sweet scents followed the move.

“More Easter eggs for us to fill! Oh, and wait!” He left and came back. “My meema still keeps a jar of pennies, and she donated them.” He put another bag down with a heavy thunk.

“Jesus, Darren. We’ve been stuffing eggs all week.”

“And I found more! Get to work, boys!”

“And where are you going?” I asked. “And … he’s gone.”

Chapter Twenty

Jackson

With a sense of resignation, I started opening bags of candy and plastic eggs. AJ picked up the bag of coins and peaked inside before scooping a handful out. Most of the crew joined us as we sat around the coffee table, shot the shit, and added to our ever-growing pile of plastic Easter eggs.

AJ had inched closer to me so someone else could share the couch, and it was all I could do to keep from touching him. I may have failed once or twice, putting my hand between us and resting it on the cushion, letting my pinky brush against his thigh. I felt like a teenager holding hands for the first time in a darkened movie theater.

AJ had been so patient with me, and we’d been together for almost two months at that point. I knew he hated sneaking around, and I was beginning to hate it too. It was time for us to come out of the closet. But first, we had to get through Family Fun Day with his family, and I had to get through Easter with mine.

I was back to stuffing eggs, my hands busy and not sneaking touches, when I sensed AJ looking around. He pulled out his phone, the move causing him to lean into me. He was so close I could smell his hair, and all I could think about was him complaining about my “fancy-ass” soaps, since he spent all his time at my place. I couldn’t stop the goofy smile on my face and hoped our colleagues thought it had something to do with throwing a super-fun charity event.

“Bathroom,” AJ mumbled, and he was gone, but he didn’t head for the locker rooms, instead heading down the other side of the building, where there were meeting rooms and a large fire hall.

I received a text shortly thereafter.

Coffee Trainer: Coast is clear. Rm 201.