Page 88 of With All My Haunted Heart

Xander’s eyes shimmer with tears, but he doesn’t drop my gaze. “And you what?”

It feels silly now that he’s sitting here on my couch, but I admit my fears anyway. If I speak them out loud, maybe I’ll purge them from my heart once and for all. “I was afraid that if things ended badly between Elle and me…I was afraid that you’d choose her. I didn’t want to lose you.”

“But after Willa died, you told me to choose her. You texted and asked me to put all my focus on Elle, even though you were grieving, too.” Xander shakes his head, but he doesn’t pull away. Instead, he tugs me tighter to him. “I get why you two didn’t say anything at first. Yes, I was a mess about Barrett. Fuck, I still am. But the thought of my two favorite people finding happiness together? That’s a good thing, Pip. An incredible thing.”

“Too bad it’s already ruined,” I mutter to myself, miserable and aching and hating all the lost moments Elle and I could have shared if only we’d been willing to tell Xander about us.

“You don’t really believe that, do you?”

“What am I supposed to think?” I ask, pulling back to study his face. “I live here. She’s in Oak Spires. And she’s grieving. How I feel about her doesn’t matter. She doesn’t want me, Xan. I have to respect that.” I wipe the tears from my cheeks. “It’s my fault for getting attached. People always leave me.”

“I’m not leaving you. Not now. Not ever. You are always welcome at Midnight Manor. Any day. Every day.”

“But Elle—”

“I really think she feels the same, Pip.” Xander studies me a moment, worrying at his lower lip like he’s waging some internal battle over what to say next. Finally, he lets out a full-bodied sigh. “One of you needs to reach across this gap.”

Tightness grips my throat again. “I can’t. I’m sorry, Xander, but I can’t. I’ve been thrown away too many times. I can’t do it again.”

“What if I talk to her?”

“No. Absolutely not.” I grip tight to his hands, urgent and pleading. “You can’t say anything. Promise me you won’t. I don’t want a pity relationship.”

Xander looks like he wants to argue, but in the end, he presses his lips tight together and nods. “Fine. As long as you and I are good. I won’t lose you over this.” He presses a kiss to my forehead. “You’re stuck with me for life.”

“To your last day!” I raise a plastic cup of champagne, true warmth eclipsing the last of the hurt over Dea leaving. “And your inevitable success in your new position!”

Dea clinks her drink against mine, and we cheers in the empty office. I’ve already removed the bells above the door that were spelled to alert us to incoming customers. I removed the magic that repelled dirt from the carpet and dust from the shelves. The last of my personal belongings sit in a single box by the locked front door.

After her sip, she tips her cup toward me. “And to your successful mastery of the new computer systems.”

I nearly spit out the champagne as I stifle a laugh. “Hey now! I got there eventually!” Sure, it took nearly the entire two weeks with Dea to figure out how to operate the new accounting and scheduling software, but now I’m, like, seventy percent confident in my ability to make sure I get paid properly.

“Give me a complicated hex to break over a new computer system any day.” I sigh, a lingering bit of nostalgia pulling at my heart. “Did you ever follow up with Callum? Did he manage to keep from getting hexed a second time?”

“Yup.” She tosses back another sip. “He hasn’t turned green again or sprouted scales.”

“Too bad,” I murmur, earning a laugh. “What? We did great work the past two weeks, but there aren’t any new clients on the calendar.”

“They’ll come.” Dea leans against the edge of the desk and surveys the empty, soulless office. “I’m going to miss this place.”

“Really?”

“Not the office.” Dea turns her deep brown gaze on me and offers a warm smile, her lips a vivid red today. “I’ll miss you, though.”

I squeeze her hand briefly in mine before swallowing the rest of my drink. I add Dea to the growing list of people I let get close who I won’t see regularly anymore. Why is it I always end up alone? No matter what I do, I end up either kicked out or abandoned.

“Have you heard from her?” Dea asks, and if I didn’t know better, I’d say she was psychic.

More likely, I’m just obvious in my brooding. “Who?”

Dea rolls her eyes. “You know who I mean. Elle. The woman you spent an entire month with before going no contact at the drop of a hat.”

The pleasant buzz of the champagne does nothing to dull the flash of frustration. “She told me not to call. She practically threw me out of her sister’s house. It’s not like I chose to go no contact. I’m respecting her boundaries.”

“I thought Xander said she misses you?” Dea asks, brows arching up her forehead.

I reach for the open bottle between us and pour myself another cup of the bright, bubbly liquid. “That doesn’t change anything. She’s the one who kicked me out of her life. If she wants me back in it, she knows how to reach me.”