Page 87 of What We Got Wrong

“She touched my arm,” Quinn repeated, the closest to yelling that Liv had ever heard her. “Why did you start this conversation, Liv? Because we’ve got much bigger things going on than someone touching my arm.”

“I just think it’s weird that you didn’t tell me about her,” Liv replied, and she knew that Quinn was right, knew that this was not about this girl, that Quinn had done nothing wrong.

Quinn groaned, and she stood up, walking towards the bedroom in the apartment that they never used. “Oh my God, Liv. I’m not doing this.”

“What do you mean?” Liv asked, panic in her voice.

Quinn shrugged, stopping at the edge of the room. “You dropped a fucking bomb on me, and now you’re trying to fight me about something that doesn’t matter. I don’t know if you’re trying to tie these things together because you feel guilty, or maybe you just don’t fight fair, but this is not okay.”

“We both knew that this was a risk,” Liv replied, and it was like all the fight had gone out of her. She just sounded pitiful, even to her own ears. “You knew.”

“I knew,” Quinn acknowledged, her voice soft. “It still hurts like hell, friend.”

She walked away, then, and Liv crumpled into a heap on the couch.

She knew that she had messed that up. She knew that she owed Quinn an apology, that she’d fucked up. There were about a million ways that talk could have gone, but everything she’d done had ensured that they couldn’t have a rational adult conversation.

Liv couldn’t sleep. She stayed in the living room, hoping that Quinn would come out, that she would give her another chance to talk, even though Liv knew she didn’t deserve it. But Quinn didn’t come out the whole night. Liv began pacing around the time that Quinn should be up, getting ready to meet with Emma for their regular off-season morning laps, but still, no Quinn.

She knocked on the door to the second bedroom, waiting to hear Quinn’s response. Liv couldn’t think of anything that had ever kept Quinn from the pool, and she was getting worried.

“You can come in,” she heard Quinn say through the door. When she peeked her head in, Quinn was still lying down in the bed, facing away from her.

“Are you going to swim laps with Emma this morning?” Liv asked, and Quinn shook her head. “Are you okay?”

Quinn huffed, and, fair, that was a stupid question. “I’m not up for it.”

“I’m sorry,” Liv replied. It was her fault, after all. The whole situation was. “I’m really sorry. I can apologize for a whole list of the reasons, but the most important is that I never wanted to hurt you.”

“I know,” Quinn said softly. She finally turned, lifting her head to look over at Liv. “Do you want to join me?”

They had so much to talk about, to figure out. But when Quinn lifted the comforter so that Liv could climb in with her, she jumped at the chance, not wanting something silly like sense to cloud her judgement.

“This bed is terrible,” Liv said, snuggling in close, her back to Quinn’s front.

Quinn hummed, the sound thick in her throat. “It’s not great.”

She pulled Liv even closer, like she was afraid she was going to move off the stiff bed, as if Liv didn’t want to burrow into Quinn and never let go.

“Do we need to end this?” Liv asked. It was the last thing she wanted, but she had to ask, to give Quinn the out. And, as Quinn took several moments, as she seemed to be considering the suggestion, Liv’s heart was breaking.

“We probably should,” Quinn whispered. “We said we would, right? If there was ever someone else…”

“I know, I just…” Liv’s mind was reeling. “If you’re ready to be done, I understand. But I don’t want to lose you.”

Liv felt as Quinn took a sharp breath. “You’re never going to lose me, Liv. And, honestly…I want whatever I can have of you.”

So, Liv would figure out how to get through this summer, how to distance herself from Conner. She would make something work so that they could come back to this in the fall. So that she could keep Quinn. So that they could have one more year.

One more year.

Chapter 32

Liv

Now

Liv tried to spend the afternoon being present. Before she went to the final workshop, she took a detour to say goodbye to Rhea, who left in a flurry of ‘I love you’ and ‘I demand details,’ and then she went and spent time with her direct reports, reviewing proposals about implementing changes for their own respective teams based on lessons learned at the conference. She sat through her dad’s closing address and then went to dinner with her family. She went to the party and watched as her dad announced the annual service awards, cheering on her colleagues and even listening to the terrible DJ play terrible music for a while.