Page 94 of What We Got Wrong

Liv hesitated. “I promised them I wouldn’t date.”

“Liv, you made a pinky promise to your parents when you were seventeen years old. Do they really expect you to be beholden to it for the rest of your life?” The words exploded out of Quinn; it was raw, and it was unexpected, startling Quinn even more than Liv.

“Yes,” Liv insisted. “They are expecting me to follow all of their rules when I’m here and to take up the mantle of my family when I move home after graduation.”

“Do you hear how fucked that is,” Quinn replied, and Liv wondered if she had been drinking at the party, because Quinn had never talked to her like this. Maybe this was just the frustrations bubbling over.

“You don’t understand,” Liv said. “Ever since my sister… They need me to follow the plan, Quinn.”

“I get it,” Quinn said, before correcting herself. “Or, I don’t. Not really. I’m sorry that y’all went through that. I know you miss her, I’m sure they do, too. But you’re right, I don’t understand why that means that we can’t be together.”

Neither of them had said the words out loud, and it took Liv’s breath away, just the idea that Quinn would put it out there, the implication that she had hoped for more. Liv knew, of course she did, on a visceral level, that what they’d been doing was more than friendship, more than just friends with benefits, even, but hearing Quinn say, in any context, that she would want to be with Liv…

“I can’t,” Liv tried to say, the words coming out as a sob.

“You don’t even want to try. You won’t even talk to them about it,” Quinn said. “So, I have to assume, right, that it’s not worth it to you. That I’m not.”

“Quinn, it’s not that simple,” Liv argued. “You are my favorite person. But nothing that has happened between us changes where I come from and what my family needs from me.”

Quinn nodded at her, her jaw moving, but no words came out. Liv stepped closer to her, but Quinn moved back, maintaining the distance.

“We can’t keep doing this,” Quinn finally said, sounding like she was choking on the words.

“I know,” Liv replied, wiping at her eyes. “I know. I thought we had more time, but it’s not…it’s not working.”

Quinn nodded again. “I don’t think we can keep playing house like this. But, Liv…I don’t know how to stop.”

Liv didn’t love those words, didn’t like at all that description of what they had, but still, she found herself agreeing. “Maybe we need a clean break? Maybe I should move out? I don’t think we can keep living together and not…”

It wasn’t what she wanted, not even close. But Liv couldn’t have what she wanted.

Even though she was the one who characterized what they had as ‘playing house,’ Quinn looked shocked at the suggestion, her face morphing from pain to anger. “A clean break? We said the friendship was the priority. You don’t even want that, now?”

“Quinn, that’s not what I meant! I just think we maybe need some space…”

“You can have all of the space you want,” Quinn replied, throwing her hands up in the air.

Liv watched as she grabbed the bag she’d already packed for her trip home and walked towards the door.

“Quinn,” Liv called out. There were tears streaming down her face now, and when Quinn turned, Liv saw that she was crying as well. “You cannot leave like this. It’s not safe.”

Quinn softened ever so slightly. Liv saw it in her face. In the way her shoulders slumped. “You don’t have to worry about me.”

When she still moved to leave, Liv threw herself at Quinn. “I cannot have you drive when you’re this upset. It’s not safe.”

That’s when she realized that Liv’s body was wracked with sobs, and something clicked in Quinn. Her Quinn, her good, sweet Quinn, dropped her bag and wrapped Liv in her arms, holding her tightly.

“I’m sorry,” Quinn said repeatedly, and she ran her hands over Liv’s hair, trying to soothe her. “I wasn’t trying to scare you.”

Liv nodded, sure Quinn felt it more than saw as she was pressed flush against her. Quinn, still wrapped around her, walked Liv backwards until they were sitting on the couch, and they simply held each other, for Liv didn’t even know how long.

When Liv finally lifted her head, Quinn was looking at her with so much tenderness, and…no. That’s not what she wanted. If this was really it, she didn’t want it to end softly.

Liv moved to kiss Quinn, first her cheek, her jaw, her neck.

“Liv, what are you doing?” Quinn said faintly, though she was leaning into Liv, their bodies both coming alive with the touch.

“You can’t leave tonight,” Liv whispered, her words ghosting the shell of Quinn’s ear. “So. Let’s have one more night together.”