Page 23 of Alec’s Dream

Monday morning when he’d dropped Jocelyn off, I’d made sure I was in my office elbow-deep in the all-important task of organizing files. He’d told Veronica that he’d be picking Joss up at five from then on instead of the extra hour I stayed so he could pick her up late.

For some reason, that felt like a kick in the teeth. I loved spending the extra hour with Joss. Just her and I in the quiet daycare, playing. However, the silver lining was I wouldn’t have to face Alec. That kinda stung, too.

At pickup I was genuinely busy and didn’t see him, nor did I get to say goodbye to Joss. That stung worse.

Tuesday morning, I hid in my office going over medical forms making sure they were up to date. And fifteen minutes before five, I found Jocelyn, gave her a cuddle, made her giggle, and said my goodbyes.

And that was how the rest of the week played out; me hiding in the morning and making myself scarce at pickup.

It was juvenile and I was acting like a total wimp and I knew it. But I wasn’t ready to face Alec.

Maybe next week.

I was too emotionally spent. Last Saturday had been the catalyst for some big changes in my life. Alec’s lecture had been a wakeup call—a huge one. I hadn’t needed my father’s confirmation that Alec had been right. However, hearing my dad telling me I wasn’t doing right by my kids was the kick in the ass I’d needed to start making some changes.

The first thing I did was sit the kids down and as gently as I could, explain that their dad had shown up while they were spending time with their grandparents and he wasn’t happy. That was met with some confusion on Rory’s part, since Doug had decided after over six months of not seeing the kids, he was all-in. This also included him being sweet as pie to his daughter. Which meant in her recent memory she’d never seen her dad not happy.

Caleb, however, was not confused—the last month Doug had been playing his game, my son hadn’t forgotten the ugly his dad could be. I’d watched with sadness as my boy’s face got hard and his eyes filled with anger. No, Caleb had not forgotten a damn thing. But my son being a good kid and a great big brother said not a word. That was, until I finished explaining that from then on, the days that their father picked them up, we would be meeting him at the community center.

I’d made that decision on the drive home. I was setting boundaries and my home was off-limits. The home I provided for my children was a safe place—theirs and mine. And Doug would no longer show up, shout the neighborhood down, get in my face, and make it unsafe.

My declaration confused Rory even more. I had an easy explanation at the ready—for now anyway. Caleb’s little league football practice ended at six, the park was next to the community center, and Rory’s afterschool program was at the community center, making it easier for their dad to pick them up.

Rory bought it. Caleb not so much.

That led to a very uncomfortable conversation with my son after Rory went to sleep. One that my boy started by asking me why my knuckles were swollen—and yes, I’d iced them. It was then I did something I never thought I’d do; I told Caleb the truth. Or as much of the truth as I could stomach without out-and-out calling his father a fucking asshole.

I’d also had to admit I’d lost my temper and hit Doug. Therefore, I tried my best to use my inappropriate actions as a teaching moment of what not to do.

My son did not take my violent outburst as a bad thing. I knew this because my sweet Caleb’s response was, “It’s about time. Now maybe he won’t yell at you anymore.”

His retort shocked me, even though it shouldn’t have. Caleb knew, he’d seen it enough times, and unlike his little sister, he remembered.

That didn’t hurt, it fucking scorched hate through me.

Fucking Doug.

I ended the conversation asking if he had any questions or if there was something he wanted to talk about. Caleb declined and my heart sank. Gone was my little boy who wanted to talk to me about everything under the sun, and in his place was a young man battling his emotions by keeping them locked inside.

Seeing that fortified my resolve.

I had to make a stand. For me. For my children. For our future.

Never again would my kids see me cower and cave. And if that meant Doug threw a holy shit fit and they were privy to his ugliness, I’d deal with it. But my daughter would not grow up thinking it was okay for a man to scream in your face. And my son would not grow up to be the type of man his father was.

Over my dead body.

And I prayed it didn’t come to that because Doug could get mean.

“Macy?”

I glanced up from my desk and looked at Veronica.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah. I just wanted to say goodbye.”

I checked the time, not realizing it was so late.