Page 83 of Alec’s Dream

Maybe I needed to ask Alec if he minded if the girls came over—Becky, too. I was certain I wanted to explore the attraction I undeniably felt toward Alec, but maybe I was missing the bigger picture. Which scared the bejesus out of me.

“If your offer to come over still stands, I’ll talk to Alec.”

“It’s a standing offer. If not tomorrow, then whenever you feel up to it. And I hope you take me up on it. I’d like to get to know you better. I have a feeling we’re gonna be neighbors.” Kennedy’s bright smile and giggle didn’t scare the bejesus out of me—it scared the fuck out of me. “On that note, Jameson’s ready to go home so I’m going with him. Don’t forget to call if you need anything.”

“Thanks,” I muttered, unable to say more after her neighbor comment.

Kennedy gave me one last smile and dashed to the front door where Jameson, Nixon, and McKenna waited for her.

Weston, Silver, and baby Dylan had already left. So had Becky and Rob after Becky had apologized thirty times for upsetting Aurora, which had not been her intention. My best friend loved us fiercely and she tended to allow her emotions fly. It was part of her charm, Becky held nothing back. But I had to admit, when Becky rolled through Alec’s house like a hurricane, it reminded me of the toll the day had taken on my mental state and I had to work hard to keep my spirits up.

In other words, I’d lied my ass off to my best friend, telling her I was fine when really I was a mess. But I knew if I showed a moment of weakness, she’d go into hyperdrive wanting to heal my fragile psyche, and I was too exhausted to explain everything I was feeling.

Jonny had made his excuses leaving after he’d given Rory and Caleb hugs and promises to see them later. He’d hugged me, too, gave me his normal kiss to the side of my head, but he didn’t make eye contact and it was heartbreakingly obvious Jonny didn’t want to spend more time than necessary near me.

That was something I’d deal with later when I wasn’t so emotionally spent, it was a miracle I hadn’t blown into a thousand sharp silvers of barren waste. I had too much to think about. I couldn’t begin to focus on the prospect of losing Jonny’s friendship. It was too painful.

So now the last of Alec’s company was leaving.

Jocelyn was awake from her nap playing with Rory, Caleb was on the couch watching TV, and I was nervous as shit to be alone with Alec after today. It wasn’t even dinner time, which meant it was way too early to barricade myself with the kids behind a bedroom door.

And as I mentioned, I was an emotional wasteland.

I had nothing left.

All of my defenses had been obliterated and I was afraid with no barrier I wouldn’t be able to fight the pull of Alec. A man I’d come to know and found he was more than just the perfect father, more than a handsome man, more than the unattainable wish.

He was kind, caring, smart, protective, (even if it was over-the-top) insanely capable, honest, and cool under fire (Literally cool under gunfire.).

Alec was more than I could ever dream up. And so close, I wanted to believe he was real and wanted a future with me.

I wanted to believe it so desperately. With all my shields gone after the day we had, and Alec right there within reach, I didn’t know what to say, what to do, or how to act.

I knew what I wanted to do, but I also knew I wouldn’t. Because if I did, my kids and his daughter would possibly be scarred for life—if they weren’t already thanks to fistfights on my porch and a drive-by shooting. So with all that happened, all they’d seen, I wasn’t going to rush Alec, throw myself in his arms and beg him to kiss me until I forgot how shitty our day had been.

Instead, I stood in the living room of Alec’s big farmhouse hoping he was everything he’d already proved himself to be but I’d been too blind to see. I didn’t need to hide from him. I prayed he was real and he still wanted to take a chance on me.

I did all of that watching our kids lounge in a beautiful room that was far too big for a single man and a baby.

We were all sitting at Alec’s huge dinner table. But instead of being spread out—and there was plenty of room to do that—we all smooshed close on one side.

Even though it was freezing outside—okay, maybe it was just chilly, dipping into the forties, that being worthy of being deemed freezing by me—Alec and Caleb had grilled burgers.

Rory and I had made the sides and sliced tomatoes, lettuce, and cheese. I’d learned that Alec hated onions—so did I, so that worked. Unless they were breaded and deep-fried in the form of a ring—that was my declaration. Alec stood firm, stating onions in all of their forms were a no-go.

At first, the conversation was stilted, until Alec brought up Jameson and Kennedy’s dog Tank. Being that we were staying with him and would be here tomorrow after school, he’d take them both over to meet the pup if they wanted.

After that, slowly my kids started to talk. Not animated, not jubilantly, but they spoke. Rory mostly about Joss, and Caleb told Alec about football. Which meant I’d learned something else about the man. Not only did he like football, he’d played in high school, and had continued to play with his buds in the Navy.

“Am I going to practice tomorrow?” Caleb asked, then shoved the last of his burger in his mouth.

“Not yet. I’ll call Coach in the morning.”

My son’s face got tight and I hated the disappointment I saw. Hated it with a passion but it was too dangerous.

Surprisingly, Caleb didn’t argue or have another outburst about Doug. Whatever Alec had said to him had clearly worked. I loved my boy, adored how he was always stepping up for his sister, but I was even prouder of the restraint he showed. No kid his age should have to learn the lessons he’d been forced to endure.

“Tomorrow after we visit Kennedy and Tank, we’ll toss the ball around,” Alec interjected.