Page 37 of Chasin’s Surrender

I tossed the pen on the pad and smiled back. “The irony’s not lost on me, friend.”

Bobby burst out laughing and sat across from me. “What’s on your mind?”

That right there was part of what I missed the most about Bobby. She knew me, really and truly knew me.

“Us,” I told her.

“Us?” she repeated, and her guard slammed down.

Damn. When had she learned to do that? And how had I missed it?

Bobby had always been open and outgoing. I admired that about her. She was brave and didn’t hide who she was or what she was thinking.

But now she did. From me.

And that was probably my fault, too.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said on the rooftop. You were right. Everything you said was the truth. I was struggling but managing until my parents filed that lawsuit. When they did, something inside me broke.”

“Honey, they were dredging up your childhood,” she carefully reminded me.

“It was more than that,” I admitted. “Intellectually, I know they’re drunks, they’re mean, and they’re lazy, greedy people. But they’re still my parents. They were supposed to love me. What parent doesn’t want to see their child happy and succeeding? I couldn’t deal with it. What’s so wrong with me that they couldn’t love me? How can two people be so cruel?”

“Genevieve, listen to me.” Bobby reached across the table and grabbed my hand. “There’s not a damn thing wrong with you. You’re the kindest person I know. And, honey, that’s a miracle, considering you were raised by those assholes. You’re talented and beautiful and sweet and funny. You’re loyal even when you shouldn’t be. Of course you can’t understand their cruelty and greed because you don’t know how to be those things.”

I wanted to believe Bobby so badly. I tried my best to be a good person, but I failed constantly. I turned my back on the people closest to me. That wasn’t right. That didn’t say good person, that screamed cold, calculated bitch. I had a horrible temper, and I was not loyal.

“I locked you out,” I whispered. “That’s not loyalty, that’s betrayal.”

“I knew what you were doing and why. And I let you do it.” Bobby sighed and tightened her grip. “That was my fault.”

“No, Bobby. Nothing’s your fault. I did it and I want you to know I’m sorry. I should’ve turned to you instead of pushing you away. But by the time I realized what I was doing, I felt like y’all were so far away and maybe that was a good thing. I didn’t want all my parents’ toxic shit to pollute your life. I had lawyers working on it, Leslie and Melissa had been drug through the mud and I didn’t want you getting pulled in anymore than you already were. They’re evil and they were playing dirty.”

Bobby’s features gentled but I knew that look. It was deceiving, it was normally the one she gave me to soften the blow of her words.

And when she spoke again, I wasn’t wrong. Not about the look and not about the blow.

“And that’s what hurts the most. You thinking that I would care about what those two said or did to me. I get you were trying to protect me. I appreciate that. But who was protecting you? You had my back but made it so I couldn’t have yours. That’s not what friends do.”

Her grip tightened. “Suddenly, our relationship revolved around work. Again, that’s my fault, I let you do that. I thought that’s what you needed from me so you could sort yourself out. But when you didn’t, it was my job to pull your head out of your ass. But I didn’t do that because I was afraid you’d cut me out—not just off, but out. I’ve seen you do it. I’ve watched you cut ties and never turn back and I was petrified you’d do that to me, so I let you pull away and build your walls. That fucking hurt.

“But I should’ve been a good enough friend to at least try to get you back to you, and not care about the repercussions. I know better now. So, you can be pissed all you want. You can cut me out. You can fire me here and now. I’m gonna say what I have to say and you’re gonna listen.”

Bobby pulled in a breath, kept ahold of my hand, leaned in, and I braced.

“Your parents are dicks. The worst kind of scum. They hurt you. They lie to you. They’ve tried to steal from you. Through that, you’ve kept the high ground. Your public image is unblemished. You’re the poster child for rising above and succeeding against all the odds. Your fans love you. Your career is soaring. But, girl, your private life is in shambles. It’s time you woke up, put those motherfuckers in your rearview mirror, and moved on. You are not them. You are not a gold-digging bitch who hooked up with a man for the sole purpose of using him as an ATM.”

Her voice softened. “You are strong. Yet you allow them to walk all over you. You allow them to get into your head. You allow it. Stop. Just stop. Please. Your life is passing you by. You’re missing it. And you’re allowing that, too. And while we’re on the subject of you letting things pass you by, girl, straight up, you’re freaking insane if you let Chasin slip past you. That man is crazy about you.”

Unfortunately, I hadn’t braced, not fully, so my friend’s words hit me, and they did it with such force I couldn’t stop the rush of pain and sadness.

“Tell me how you really feel,” I mumbled.

“Think I just did, Viv. And I’ll repeat it until you listen to me. I’ll tell you over and over until you finally untwist everything those perverse, vicious vultures planted in you. You cannot know how bad it hurts to see you disconnect from everyone around you. You become a shell. You write your music, you coast through the motions of daily life, you participate in business decisions, but you do not live. You exist and that’s it. You’re a zombie. And, honey, it fucking kills me.”

I sat frozen, unbreathing and gutted.

You got one life, baby.