Page 107 of Holden’s Resurrection

The eye thing was her tell—when she got upset she didn’t hold eye contact.

“Yes, he’s your dad. What I’m asking is, how did you know?”

When her teeth sank into her lower lip and tears sprang in her eyes, I reconsidered my line of questioning.

“C’mere.” Holden lifted Faith off the couch and set her in his lap. Immediately her little body melted into his.

I wished I had my camera. I wished the situation wasn’t what it was because that would’ve been a great picture to include in Faith’s album.

Daddy and daughter. Faith leaning into Holden looking for comfort.

God, we screwed up.

“Faith, I’m not leaving, no matter what. When I left your mom, I didn’t know…” Holden paused and I held my breath, waiting to see how Holden was going to explain to an eight-year-old the circumstances surrounding him leaving me. But what I didn’t even think about was taking over the conversation. That wasn’t because I was a chicken shit, but because I trusted Holden would do his best. And together we’d answer her questions.

“I didn’t know your mom was pregnant with you. And when she found out I was…” There was another pause, this one longer, this one painful. I swallowed the lump in my throat that was so big it was a miracle it didn’t choke me. Holden had tears in his eyes, then I had tears in mine when Faith reached up and placed her hand on his cheek.

“Are you sad you’re my dad?”

Horror passed over Holden’s face before he covered her hand with his.

Another moment I wished I could capture. The tips of Faith’s tiny fingers were barely poking out from under her dad’s much bigger hand.

“No. I am not sad I’m your dad. I’m sad I missed out on you growing in your mom’s belly. I’m sad I didn’t get to see your beautiful face when you were born. I’m sorry I didn’t know you were my daughter and we missed out on so many years. But, Faith, I promise you I’m gonna make it up to you. I swear, doll, I’m gonna be the best dad. I know this is confusing, but I want you to know I didn’t leave because I didn’t want you.”

“Do I get to live with you?”

“Yes. You and your mom.”

Faith grinned, then her grin turned into a full-fledged smile and she said, “You, me, Mom, and a puppy.”

Holden’s face split into a matching smile and he agreed. But I wasn’t thinking about life with a puppy and all that came with a small, needy dog in the house. No, I couldn’t take my eyes off the similarities between the two of them. All the small things I had shoved aside over the years and eventually stopped looking for altogether. But now that I was free to compare, it was plain to see.

“Aunt Patty said that Mom was stupid,” Faith announced. “She told that man that they were running out of time. That I looked like Holden and now that he was back he’d start asking questions. Then she told him all it would take was a N-A-D test and Holden would know he was my dad.”

“DNA,” Holden mouthed, then asked Faith, “Did Patty say anything else?”

“I was getting sleepy,” Faith muttered. “And my tummy felt funny. I was scared.”

“I know you were, doll. It’s okay if you don’t remember anything else.”

“Patty was mad at the man and was yelling that he better not have…killed Mom…or they’d never get the money.”

God, those bitches. Money. It was always about the money.

“They will never hurt you or your mom again.”

“Patty said Mom would give them the money to get me back.”

Holden stared at Faith and pulled her closer.

“Faith, your mom would’ve done anything to get you back. Anything, you hear that? Any. Thing.”

“I know. She sent you.”

“She did.”

Hours and hours of pent-up emotion, years and years of pent-up frustration, years of agonizing loneliness and loss finally broke free. I was tired, so damn tired I couldn’t hold it in. I couldn’t even hold my body upright so I slumped forward and gave Holden my weight. And just like I knew he would, his arm came around me and my arm went around Faith and together we held our daughter.