Page 17 of Holden’s Resurrection

“You’re making a mistake. Trust me when I tell you Paul’s not worth this. He’s not worth your loyalty. Faith is the only one who’s important. I can set the two of you up, you’d never have to worry about money. Just give them what they want and all of this can be over.”

“Sure. It will all be over. You’ll what, pay me off? Give me all your money so you can feel better about yourself? How you left me broken. Will trading money in a bank account erase the guilt? Because it sure as hell won’t help me. I don’t need Paul’s money and I don’t want yours. It won’t fix my broken heart. It won’t make me any less lonely. It won’t do jack squat for me except tie me to you. Why’d you leave me, Holden? Why’d you destroy us?”

“Because I loved you. I tried to let you go. I tried to do the right thing. But I loved you so much I’d only make it days before the ache was so bad I gave in and went to you. I wish like hell I could’ve given you everything you wanted. Goddamn, do I wish that when you came to me and told me you were pregnant that I could’ve pulled you into my arms and kissed you and been excited with you that we were getting everything we wanted. But instead, in that moment all I could see were my failures. Paul could give you something I never could. I know I fucked up. I know I can never make up for what I did to you. But think about Faith. I can free you from those assholes and there will be no strings attached.”

With that, Holden turned and jogged down the stairs, leaving me standing in my living room reeling.

It was too much.

Too much information. Too much hurt. Too many memories.

My heart sank and I dropped to the floor.

What the hell just happened?

6

Holden was walking back to the office when his cell rang. He didn’t bother to pull the vibrating device from his pocket. After the blow-out with Charleigh, he was in no mood to speak to anyone.

With every step he took, anger and frustration thrummed through him. He’d said more than he’d intended, and in doing so he’d told Charleigh something he never should’ve. Not that he’d said it outright, but the implication was there and she was a smart woman. She’d put it together and either think Holden was behaving like a jilted lover—therefore lying—or she’d know the truth.

For years, he’d remained silent about a lot of things. Too many things. The reason why he’d left her was at the top of the list. Paul cheating on Charleigh was a half-click down. Something Holden never understood was why, after Paul finally got what he wanted, did he defile it in the worst way? The fuck of it was, Paul hadn’t been careful. It seemed that anytime the asshole had shown up where Holden was, he’d made a whole production out of picking up a woman. For the life of him, he could never figure out his play.

Why would a man deliberately try to sabotage his marriage? Unless he wanted Holden to tell Charleigh so Paul could deny it, accuse Holden of lying, and drive the wedge in deeper. It had been unnecessary, Holden had done that all by himself. There wasn’t a wedge between him and Charleigh, there was an abyss of pain between them.

A chasm that Holden had dug with one incredibly bad decision.

How had his life spiraled so far out of control?

The vibrating stopped only to start again, and with a petulant sigh, he yanked his phone out and saw Nixon’s name on the display.

“Yeah?” Holden rudely snapped.

“I’m not even gonna bother asking what’s crawled up your bunghole because I’m fairly certain you’re finally coming to terms with the multitude of ways you fucked up, which would mean that stick that’s been up your ass is being twisted.”

“Is there a reason you called?” he asked as he crossed the intersection.

“Jonny’s here.”

“Know that. I’m looking at his truck.”

Holden continued to scan the street and saw Chasin’s Charger and Weston’s Jeep parked in front of the office.

“We’ll wait for you to brief.” Nixon hung up and Holden slowed his pace, needing all the extra time he could get before he faced his friends.

By the time Holden entered the office, his thoughts were no less heavy.

He’d screwed up again. Damned if he did, damned if he didn’t. There was no winning this battle and his best course of action was to stay away from Charleigh. He’d caused enough turmoil and pain.

“Conference room,” Nixon unnecessarily called out.

Holden shoved all thoughts of Charleigh to the back of his mind and locked them up where they belonged—in a box marked, do not open. Unfortunately, the padlocks were weak, the catches too flimsy to keep him from accessing the memories anytime he wanted. Which was daily. He had an unhealthy fixation on his past. It had been the only time in his life he’d truly been happy. It was hard not to lie in his bed and remember all the reasons why he’d fallen for Charleigh. And when the pain of losing her inevitably came, he used it to punish himself for being such a bastard.

“What’s going on?” Holden asked when he entered the room.

Everyone was there: Weston, Jameson, Chasin, Nix, Alec, Jonny, even Micky was sitting at the large table with her laptop open in front of her.

“Jonny’s got a case he needs to work through,” Nix answered.