Page 22 of Holden’s Resurrection

“I’m not even talking about Faith right now. I’m pissed he broke up with you and didn’t bother to tell you why. Who does that?”

“He told me the baby couldn't be his.”

“Right,” she snapped. “Were you having sex with him?”

God, would I ever stop feeling the shame of bed-hopping?

“The week before,” I admitted and braced for her repugnance.

“Damn, Charleigh, you look like I’m gonna judge you. He broke up with you. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I was drunk and—”

“Stop. I don’t care if you were stone sober. You did nothing wrong. You weren’t together with Holden and slept with someone else. That doesn’t make you a bad person.”

“But Paul was—”

“Jeez, why do women always have to shoulder the guilt? Have you ever stopped to think that if Paul was such a good friend to Holden he never would’ve touched you? Obviously, Paul wasn’t thinking about his friend when he crawled into bed with you.”

No, I hadn’t thought about it like that, mainly because I’d been too busy beating myself up. To be honest, I hadn’t thought about much except how badly I’d felt that Paul had been stuck with me the months before he died.

“I can’t do this,” I announced. “I’m sorry, Kennedy. I appreciate you offering to be my friend, but trust me, if you knew all the screwed-up things I did, you wouldn’t be offering.” I stood up and swiped at my tears before they started to roll down my cheeks. “Please, don’t be mad at Holden. We both messed up. It was both of our faults.”

“I don’t see how you can think that.”

“Because he was mine and I missed something. Something big. I thought everything was great but it wasn’t. There was something wrong and I missed the signs. Or maybe he’d been telling me in his own way he was unhappy and I ignored it.”

“Or maybe he’s a dumbass and should’ve talked to you.”

“I just want to stop loving him,” I whispered. “I want to forget. I never should’ve moved up here, but after Holden almost died I couldn’t stop myself. I had to know. I had to try to get him to listen to me one more time. It was selfish. I uprooted my daughter. I infiltrated his life. And now that I’m here, I can’t bear to take you all away from Faith. So, please, don’t be mad at him. Just pretend I never told you.”

“Charleigh.” Kennedy reached out and I stepped back.

“Please.”

“Okay. I won’t be mad.”

My mother was wrong, I wasn’t a reactor. I was a ruiner. Everywhere I went I ruined people’s lives.

8

“Yo!” Chasin called out as he opened the door to Holden’s Airstream.

He really needed to start locking the door. Actually, he needed to hook his rig up and move it off of Genevieve and Chasin’s land.

“Dude. Knock much?” Holden pulled his head out of the fridge. Not technically—however, he straightened after a solid five minutes of staring even though it was mostly empty.

“Evie’s in her studio,” Chasin informed Holden, as if that was an excuse not to knock. “I’ve given you a week and you haven’t said anything.”

“About?”

“Charleigh—”

“Don’t go there.” He slammed the door and pinned Chasin with a stare. “No more talking about Charleigh.”

“Brother, it’s eating you up. It’s time we talk about what happened.”

“What happened is I fucked over a good woman and I’m gonna pay for that for the rest of my life. There’s nothing more to it. And shut the damn door if you’re coming in, I’m not trying to heat the outside.”