Page 51 of Holden’s Resurrection

“Why’d you leave me?”

Charleigh’s question turned Holden into a ball of remorse.

“I told you why,” he deflected, not wanting to talk about anymore of his failures.

“No, you didn’t. You gave me some excuse.”

“Excuse?”

“Yes, Holden, an excuse. So why’d you really leave me?”

His hands dropped from her face and he stepped back.

“Right,” she snickered. “You’re quick to talk about all things me and Paul, but when we get down to you and the real reason you left me, you close down. Wanna know what I think? I think you left me because you didn’t love me, and when I started talking about our future you got cold feet so you bolted.”

Anger flashed and Holden lashed out. “Right. That’s why I couldn’t let you go and kept coming back trying to sort my head.”

“No, you came back to fuck me. Tell the truth. For once tell the goddamn truth, Holden. Stop being such a coward and come clean. I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with you. I gave you everything, you owe me. Put me out of my misery and—”

“I was scared!” he shouted. “I was paralyzed with fear that once you found out I couldn’t have kids, you’d leave me. Or worse—you’d stay, then you’d resent me for not giving you a family. So I left you before you could leave me. I left so you could find a real man. I didn’t come home to you to fuck you, I came home because I couldn’t breathe without you. I came home because I was so lost I didn’t know where to turn. I love you so damn much I can’t—”

“You stupid, stupid, dumb man.” Charleigh’s pain-filled whisper stopped Holden’s rant. “You ruined us for no reason. You destroyed my life for nothing.”

“Baby, please, try to understand.” Holden paused and wracked his brain for what he wanted her to understand.

Why he’d been scared.

Why he’d been a spineless prick.

Why he’d run from the best thing that ever happened to him.

“You selfishly, singlehandedly demolished me. And the worst part is, if you would’ve told me, if you would’ve asked, I would’ve told you that you were enough. We were enough. If all I ever had was you, I would’ve been happy. But you didn’t give me that. You didn’t give me the choice. You took control and left me powerless.”

“Baby, you wanted kids. You told me you did. That night, you were going on and on about all the places we’d go, all the adventures we’d have. I couldn’t give you that.”

Her tear-streaked face tilted up and sorrow-filled brown eyes met his.

“You mean you can’t give me that.”

The verbal sucker-punch left Holden without oxygen. There it was—he still wasn’t good enough, he was still half a man, he still couldn’t give her what she wanted.

Nothing had changed.

Charleigh would always be lost to him.

He felt it the moment it happened—all hope drained out of him and the shutters slammed shut.

He had no choice but to let the woman he loved go.

19

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing even though it was the second time Holden had told me why he left me. The first time left me reeling, wondering at the possibility that the man I loved would really leave me over something…hell, I didn’t know what to call it.

Insignificant? Though I could understand how it would be crushing to him, it didn’t mean the end for us.

Small? Although it was a big deal not being able to have children.

Selfish. Yeah, that was what I was looking for. Selfish as fuck. He took himself away from me instead of letting me be there for him. He left me instead of staying and allowing me to prove to him I loved him no matter what.